From dj@haagar.jpl.nasa.gov Wed Apr 20 09:55:33 1994 To: adam@vlsi.cs.caltech.edu Subject: FWD - WhiteBoard News From: Gene Greger Subject: WhiteBoard News (fwd) Date: Wed, 20 Apr 94 12:03:01 EDT From: Dave Zareski Subject: WhiteBoard News (fwd) Date: Wed, 20 Apr 94 9:15:43 EDT WhiteBoard News for April 19, 1994 Amsterdam, Netherlands: A Dutch researcher, after five years of study, discovered the best way to swat a fly. The trick, it seems, is to wear red, a difficult color for the insects to detect (they see green and violet the best). And use a red fly swatter in the late afternoon when flies are drowsy, as they use 75 percent of their brainpower for sight. ========== Gateshead, England: A British technology teacher said Friday he had invented a gadget that could stop bagpipe-players from driving neighbors mad. Brian Watchman-Atkinson of Gateshead said he got the idea at a Scottish wedding. Bagpipes have a distinctive sound that some people find annoying. Instead of blowing the pipes, players finger a chanter (the pipe on which the melody is played) and the notes are recorded. They can then be played back later using headphones. "The machine reacts as bagpipes would but only the person playing can hear it. It is better than driving everyone else mad -- very useful for practicing," Watchman-Atkinson says. ========== Fast News Forum: Maricopa County, Arizona, authorities are alerting cotton farmers to expect a bumper crop of marijuana plants in their fields, thanks to a half ton of pot someone dumped into an irrigation canal. A Detroit, Michigan, desk clerk told police a hotel resident "produced a weapon," gave him a holdup note, scooped about $125 from the till and fled. The weapon he left behind was a submarine sandwich wrapped in a towel. An underdog candidate in Ukraine's parliamentary elections appealed to young voters by giving away an item in short supply even in post-Soviet times -- condoms. Indiana state police took an hour to find a train crew that had stopped its train to eat lunch near a crossing causing the traffic arms to descend and block a road. ========== New York, New York: Supermodel Cindy Crawford assumed that the giant roar from the audience -- which included Julia Roberts, Susan Sarandon and Ellen Barkin -- was to welcome her on stage at Todd Oldham's fashion show last weekend. Majestically she stretched out her arms to soak up the good vibes. She didn't realize that downtown drag queen Billy Beyond, after undulating past the barely clad beauty, dissed Crawford with an exaggerated pout and dramatic roll of his eyes before flouncing offstage. It took a while, but when she realized the audience was laughing -- not cheering -- Crawford slouched off the catwalk ... you got it, pouting. ========== San Francisco, California: At the recent UniForum computer trade show in San Francisco, the visiting techies rocked to the sounds of two bands: the Beach Boys and the Talking Propellerheads. While the Beach Boys might be a better-known band, the Talking Propellerheads were probably better at interfacing with the crowd. That's because they play songs like "UNIX on the Desktop," sung to the tune of "Message in a Bottle" by the Police: "Just an old OS, isolating me -- oh, and I must confess better than NT - - oh. More Windows hype than anyone can bear, buy my code before I fall into despair -- oh!" The Talking Propellerheads were born 13 years ago when six salesmen at Westboro, Massachusetts-based Data General showed up for the annual sales meeting with pencils, tables, charts -- and guitars, keyboards and drums. They performed "hitech" classic rock parodies, such as "Psycho Salesrep," to the tune "Psycho Killer" by the Talking Heads, and "Sales Man," a spoof of "Soul Man," last popularized by the Blues Brothers. Their fellow employees and management called for encores. The sextet, most of them former systems engineers, took its name from the slang for tech nerds -- "propellerheads." Last year in Boston, the Talking Propellerheads won the Lotus World "Battle of the Bands" fund-raiser by outperforming groups from Lotus Development, Digital Equipment and ComputerVision. In "Cobol Wizard," to the music of "Pinball Wizard" from the Who's rock opera, "Tommy," they proclaim, "Ever since I was a young boy, I used to write Cobol. >From mainframes down to micros, I must have done them all. But I ain't seen nothing like him in any sales office stall. That deaf, dumb and blind kid sure writes a mean Cobol." ========== Chow SuperChef WhiteBoard News Service Bureau Chef To subscribe please email: JoeHa (Joseph Harper) joeha@microsoft.com microsoft!joeha@uunet.uu.net -- DJ Byrne (818)354-8889 dj@haagar.jpl.nasa.gov Jet Propulsion Lab., M/S 161-241 #include 4800 Oak Grove Drive I didn't know it was Pasadena, CA 91109 impossible when I did it! From joeha@microsoft.com Thu Apr 21 08:32:44 1994 X-Msmail-Message-Id: B0940C4C X-Msmail-Conversation-Id: B0940C4C To: adam@vlsi.cs.caltech.edu Subject: RE: Whiteboard subscription. You have been added to the WhiteBoard News List. You will be receiving the next regular broadcast. AND MAY ALL THE GODS OF DOS PROTECT YOUR SANITY NOW! BaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! :) Chow SuperChef The Man For All Seasonings joeha@microsoft.com ---------- From: Adam Rifkin To: Subject: Whiteboard subscription. Date: Thursday, April 21, 1994 12:59AM Please sign me up for the WhiteBoard News Service. Thanks, Adam (adam@vlsi.cs.caltech.edu)