From klassa@aur.alcatel.com Thu Sep 28 12:44:43 1995
X-Mailer: exmh version 1.6.2 7/18/95
To: adam at xent dot com, alan.farmer@bentley.com, wrenn@chewy.larc.nasa.gov,
        bach@gumby.wff.nasa.gov, dwatola@bvd.jpl.nasa.gov,
        staton@ena-east.ericsson.se, vtrehan@tddcae99.tddeng00.fnts.com,
        don_hatcher@ncdamail.agr.state.nc.us
Subject: forwarded humor


------- Forwarded Message

> If Operating Systems Were Beers... 
>      
> DOS Beer:
> Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the 
> directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in 
> an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is 
> divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed 
> separately.  Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are 
> going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.
>      
> Mac Beer:
> At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can. 
> Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. 
> When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients 
> list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you 
> are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds 
> you to drag your empties to the trashcan.
>      
> Windows 3.1 Beer:
> The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a lot like 
> Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. Claims that it 
> allows you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but in reality 
> you can only drink a few of them, very slowly, especially slowly if 
> you are drinking the Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, for 
> apparently no reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode when you 
> open it.
>      
> OS/2 Beer:
> Comes in a 32-oz can. Does allow you to drink several DOS Beers 
> simultaneously. Allows you to drink Windows 3.1 Beer simultaneously 
> too, but somewhat slower. Advertises that its cans won't explode when 
> you open them, even if you shake them up. You never really see
> anyone drinking OS/2 Beer, but the manufacturer (International Beer 
> Manufacturing) claims that 9 million six-packs have been sold.
>      
> Windows 95 Beer:
> You can't buy it yet, but a lot of people have taste-tested it and 
> claim it's wonderful. The can looks a lot like Mac Beer's can, but 
> tastes more like Windows 3.1 Beer. It comes in 32-oz. cans, but when 
> you look inside, the cans only have 16 oz. of beer in them. Most 
> people will probably keep drinking Windows 3.1 Beer until their 
> friends try Windows 95 Beer and say they like it. The ingredients 
> list, when you look at the small print, has some of the same 
> ingredients that come in DOS beer, even though the manufacturer 
> claims that this is an entirely new brew.
>      
> Windows NT Beer:
> Comes in 32-oz. cans, but you can only buy it by the truckload. This 
> causes most people to have to go out and buy bigger refrigerators. 
> The can looks just like Windows 3.1 Beer's, but the company promises 
> to change the can to look just like Windows 95 Beer's - after Windows 
> 95 beer starts shipping. Touted as an "industrial strength" beer, and 
> suggested only for use in bars.
>      
> Unix Beer:
> Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8 oz. to 64 
> oz.  Drinkers of Unix Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even though 
> they claim that all the different brands taste almost identical. 
> Sometimes the pop-tops break off when you try to open them, so you 
> have to have your own can opener around for those occasions, in 
> which case you either need a complete set of instructions, or a friend who 
> has been drinking Unix Beer for several years.
>      
> AmigaDOS Beer:
> The company has gone out of business, but their recipe has been 
> picked up by some weird German company, so now this beer will be an 
> import.  This beer never really sold very well because the original 
> manufacturer didn't understand marketing. Like Unix Beer, AmigaDOS 
> Beer fans are an extremely loyal and loud group. It originally came 
> in a 16-oz. can, but now comes in 32-oz. cans too. When this can was 
> originally introduced, it appeared flashy and colorful, but the 
> design hasn't changed much over the years, so it appears dated now. 
> Critics of this beer claim that it is only meant for watching TV 
> anyway.
>      
> VMS Beer:
> Requires minimal user interaction, except for popping the top and 
> sipping.  However cans have been known on occasion to explode, or 
> contain extremely un-beer-like contents.  Best drunk in high pressure 
> development environments.  When you call the manufacturer for the 
> list of ingredients, you're told that is proprietary and referred to 
> an unknown listing in the manuals published by the FDA.  Rumors are 
> that this was once listed in the Physicians' Desk Reference as a 
> tranquilizer, but no one can claim to have actually seen it.

------- End of Forwarded Message