From voxers-at-large-owner@io.com Thu Apr  6 01:20:25 1995
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Organization: Harlequin Information Systems
Subject: Re: VAL: Humor forward: Service hotline comparison.
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Those stupid jokes always annoy me.  If cars were really like computers,
and car users were really like computer users...

"Hello, I just bought a car and I'm having trouble operating it."

"Hmm... OK, what kind of car is it?"

"A green one."

"No, I mean what model?"

"I don't know... it has four wheels."

"Can you go and read what it says on the back of the car?"

"Sure...  1.6l Orion."

"OK.  Now, what's the problem?"

"Well, I got into it, but it just sits there."

"Have you tried starting the ignition?"

"Wait, don't use those technical terms, I'm just a beginner!"

"Er... OK, well, there's a key slot to the right of the wheel in front of you."

"I can't see a wheel in front of me."

"Hmm.  What *can* you see in front of you?"

"Hmm... it looks like the back of a chair."

"OK, get out of the car and get back in the front."

"What?  I never have to do that when I'm travelling in someone else's car."

"Well, you're going to have to when it's your own car.  OK, can you see a
wheel now?"

"No... but there's a kind of door which looks like it might open..."

"That's the glove compartment.  Get out again and get back in the other
side of the car."

"OK... OK, yes, I see a wheel now."

"Right.  So on the right of the bit the wheel's attached to you'll find a
key slot.  You put the key in there and twist it towards you."

"OK... Yes!  It's started!  Thank you!"

"No problem."

"It doesn't seem to be going anywhere though."

"Er, no, you have to drive it."

"Drive it?"

"You know, like when you took your driving test?"

"Driving test?  What kind of a joke is this?"

"Look, perhaps you'd better get some lessons."

"Lessons?  What a crummy car!  I spend all this money and now you tell me
I'm going to have to read a goddamn book and take lessons and pass a test
just to drive it down the street to my friend's house?"

"Well..."

"Your stupid instruction manual is no good either.  It just tells me about
oil and tyres and stuff, and uses technical jargon like 'accelerator' and
'clutch'.  It doesn't say anything about what to do with all those pedals
that are sticking out at my feet."

"Er..."

"And there are two funny levers by the side of the chair, what on earth are
they for?  This is way too complicated, why don't you make it simple so
that anyone can use it?  It's not even remotely like my bicycle, why are
you so gratuitously incompatible?"


mathew

--
Add sugar to taste

http://www.mantis.co.uk/~mathew/


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From: meta@harlequin.co.uk (mathew)
The VAL home-page has moved: http://www.io.com/user/jbay/val.html