Article 6517 of rec.humor.d: Path: ms!darwin.sura.net!wupost!waikato.ac.nz!spt From: spt@waikato.ac.nz (Simon Travaglia) Newsgroups: rec.humor.d Subject: ARE YOU A COMPUTER GEEK - REPOST Message-ID: <1992Jun17.080455.8734@waikato.ac.nz> Date: 17 Jun 92 08:04:54 +1200 Organization: University of Waikato Computer Centre Lines: 139 ARE YOU A COMPUTER GEEK? It's striking more and more people! Like a plague it sweeps the nation! It knows no bounds - black, white, tall, short, thin, fat, that dweeb sitting next to you - maybe every your family members! Computer Geekdom! Are you worried about yourself? Do you feel drawn towards computer displays? In shopping malls do you slow down by money machines? Do you drop computer buzzwords like "Disk" and "Mega" in conversation? Do you own a Car-Computer? If you've answered yes to one of the above, it may already be too late. Do this test now, and see if your future holds fun, fortune and adventure, or 3 Meg floppies and a guest appearance on "The Worst of Oprah", a 467 part repeat series.. Try and be honest - remember, you're only cheating yourself. 1. A friend opens a magazine full of scantily-clad members of your preferred sex. Do you: A. Openly Ogle B. Act Non-Chalant C. Comment "Gee, that's got to be at least 400 dpi, colour!" D. Slip the hand down the pants for a bit of good, old-fashioned executive relief. 2. You're at a party. Someone comes over and asks you your star sign. You: A. Tell them to bugger off B. Lay them one in the groin, then tell them to bugger off. C. I don't go to parties. D. I don't get invited to parties. 3. You're at the head of a large queue in front of a cash-register in a large department store. The register gives a >beep< and stops dead. You: A. Wait patiently B. Plant all the stuff you were going to buy in a nearby baby carriage and call the store detective (to while away the time) C. Break out your ever-present C64 notebook and try to debug the thing D. I don't know 4. You're shopping for some personal hygiene equipment when the chemist runs up saying the prescription database on his 386 is corrupt. You: A. What's a prescription database? B. What's a 386? C. What's personal hygenie? D. What was the question again? 5. A friend wants to borrow a record off you. You A. Lend it out, and tell them it's a boomerang. B. Tell them to go buy it. C. Consult the database to see that status of the record concerned D. Sell it to them for a beer. 6. You'd most like to meet: A. The person who wrote "Gulag Acapeligo" B. The person who wrote "War and Peace" C. The person who wrote MSDOS D. A person who can write 7. You win a "Grocery-Grab" at a local supermarket. You've got one minute to pack a cart with as much stuff as you can. You start: A. In the Liquor Section B. In the Confectionary Lane C. At the Pencil Bar D. At the cash register 8. You've been hit by a car and your life flashes before your eyes. The thing you remember most vividly is: A. Your Mother's voice as a child B. Your first Love C. The Ascii table. D. The tyre pressure was maybe a little too high 9. You get to compete on blind date. You have one statement to change the choosers mind about you. You say: A. I've got a 12 inch tounge B. I can go all night C. I'VE GOT A 386SX with 64K Ram Cache D. I've killed 5 people 10. You feel naked without your: A. Electric Guitar B. Wallet C. VT100 reference guide D. Axe 11. You see someone standing on a ledge, about to jump. You can save them if you say the right thing. You say: A. I know things are bad, but do you want to talk about it? B. I feel you just need someone to talk to C. Want to come and play on my C64? D. I bet you haven't got the guts.... . . . Oh, I see you did... 12. You told your best friend the first time you: A. Had Sex B. Had Oral Sex C. Got a Ram expansion D. Killed a cat. 13. No-one understands you like: A. Your Mother B. Your Father C. Your PC D. Your Parole Officer 14. For your 18th birthday you wanted: A. A Car B. A Shaver C. A C64 Cassette Drive D. Some Piano Wire, and the Neigbours Cat Mostly A's: You're normal. Boring Boring Boring. You're the sort of person who'll justy fritter their way thru life enjoying themselves and having a good time. Shame on you! Mostly B's: You're mostly normal. Nothing a little ECT can't clear away in any case. You mostly come into the "Mostly A's" above. Mostly C's: Geek Alert! Break out the pocket protector! With a set of horn rims and a pocket calculator, you're ready for Revenge Part #72. You can be the person that gets beat up all the time. Mostly D's: So you're a socipath; But that doesn't mean you're a bad person. Just keep taking the Lithium and everything'll be fine -- +--------+ --+-- + --+-- Who needs X? I've got | +----+ | | | | a VT100 complete with | | | | | | | `/` +-- -- | ,--, `/` +\ /+ enhanced video....... | +----+ | | | | | | ) ( ) | |--' | | V | | VT 100 | + +--+ + +-- -- + `--' + + + Fax: (064)-7-838-4066 +--------+ Simon Paul Travaglia, Computer Services, University of Waikato [========] Private. Bag 3105, Hamilton, New Zealand. spt@grace.waikato.ac.nz The best substitute for experience is being sixteen.