|Q. Which one of the following statements is correct? | 1. Six and seven is 14. | 2. Six and seven are 14?? |A. Neither.....Six and seven are 13!!! *** What have the Vatican and the function f(z)=1/z got in common? They both have a simple pole at their origins. What do you get if you cross a mouse with an elephant? A mouse an elephant sin theta. What do you get if you cross a mosquito with a mountaineer? Nothing, you can't cross a vector with a scaler. *** From @VM.USC.EDU:owner-aposoc-l@PSUVM.PSU.EDU Tue Jun 22 07:26:40 1993 Subject: Math Joke Sender: Alpha Phi Omega Social topics To: Multiple recipients of list APOSOC-L Reply-To: Alpha Phi Omega Social topics X-Envelope-To: adam@VLSI.CS.CALTECH.EDU Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7BIT X-To: Social Topic Group APO |\ a | 1 | --- ====> log cabin + C ====> houseboat | cabin \| b ---- UU UU MM MM DDDDDD highway@wam.umd.edu EEEEEEE MM MM UU UU MMM MMM DD DD "the snuggly, cuddly care bear" EE MMM MMM UU UU MM M MM DD DD 124 Englefield Drive EEEEE MM M MM UU UU MM MM DD DD Gaithersburg, MD 20878 EE MM MM UUUUUUU MM MM DDDDDD (301) 948-5174 EEEEEEE MM MM University of Maryland Internet: highway@wam.umd.edu Epsilon Mu College Park Bitnet: tcwu@umdd.bitnet Alpha Phi Omega -------------- [ The Eternal Family Tree of Alpha Phi Omega ] -------------- (Big Bro) (Original) Bill Schlichtig (01/03/92) (Epsilon Mu) (Adopted) Tracey L. Vaughn (05/01/93) (Alpha Beta Chi) (Adopted) Marilyn Mims (05/01/93) (Phi) (Little Bro) (Adopted) Karen Shanti [McConnell] (05/05/93) (Epsilon Mu) --------------------- [ National Service Fraternity ] ---------------------- {What is your name?} (Jean-Luc Picard.) {What is your quest?} (To seek out new life and civilization.) {What is the average warp speed of a bird of prey?} (Klingon or Romulan?) {What? I don't know that??!?! AIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!} ----------------- [ In Leadership, Friendship & Service ] ------------------ Two men are flying with a balloon in the desert. Since they have completely lost their way, they go down a bit and see a man on a camel. They shout: "Where are we?" - No response. Again: "Where are we?" - Answer: "In the desert." First man in the balloon to the second: "That's a mathematician down there." Second: "Why?" First: "It took a long time, was absolutely right, and nobody could make any use of it..." *** A journalist, a philosopher and a mathematician are travelling in Africa. From their car they see a herd of black cows. After a while they see some more black cows. The journalist says: "Now we can say: In Africa all cows are black." The philosopher says: "No, that's not correct. We can only say: In Africa all cows we have seen are black." The mathematician says: "That's not quite right, either. We have to say: In Africa all cows we have seen are black on one side." *** For an experiment, they lock a mathematician, a theoretical physisist and a practical physisist in separate rooms with some food cans. After a fortnight, the rooms are opened. The practical physisist comes out well-fed. All the walls in the room are covered with holes and stains because he has kept throwing the food cans at the walls until they broke open. The theoretical physisist is well-fed, too. The walls are covered with formulas and diagrams and one single little hole. He has found THE exact way of throwing the can so it will break open. The mathematician is almost starved. In front of him there is a sheet of paper with the words: "First let us suppose the can is open." *** A physician and a mathematician are asked to learn the telephone directory by heart. The mathematician asks: "Why?" The physician asks: "Until when?" *** The only thing good about "standards" in computer science, is that there are so many to choose from. *** An egineer and a mathmatician were both at a dance. They saw, standing accross the room, one of the most beautiful women either had ever seen. Her beauty overcame thier natural shyness--almost. They could only move half-way closer to her each time they tried. The matmatician confessed to the engineer, "you know, moving half the distance between us and her each time we move will never allow us to *really* get to her." The engineer replied, "maybe so, but I'll get close enough for all practical purposes." ***