The Ten Commandments of mastering your PC:

1) Never show fear.
2) Keep a big club handy, but out of sight of your PC.
3) Never let your PC forget that you know where the power switch or outlet is.
4) Always warn your PC of your intentions before inserting diskettes into the
   drives, and count your fingers afterwards.
5) Make sure that the TURBO switch is off, and out of reach of any mechanical
   arms controlled by your PC.
6) Never swear at your PC, except when you're out of the room. If your PC is
   networked, make sure no other PC's are within earshot, either.
7) Never equip your PC with more memory than you yourself have.
8) Never let your PC know that you plan to give it a brain transplant upgrade
   someday.
9) Never install software on your PC that advertises "Let your PC take control!"
10) Promise your PC that if it is cooperative, you will let it read the jokes
    on the Internet HUMOR list.