>From the csh (cshell):

		 % make love
		Make:  Don't know how to make love.  Stop.

		 % got a light?
		No match.

		 % sleep with me
		bad character

		 % man: Why did you get a divorce?
		man:: Too many arguments.

		 % rm God
		rm: God nonexistent

		 % man woman
		No manual entry for woman.

		 % man ' automatic insertion'
		No manual entry for  automatic insertion.

		 % make 'heads or tails of all this'
		Make:  Don't know how to make heads or tails of all this.  Stop.

		 % make sense
		Make:  Don't know how to make sense.  Stop.

		 % make bottle.open
		Make:  Don't know how to make bottle.open.  Stop.

		 % rm -i God
		rm: remove God? y

		 % ls God
		God not found

		 % make God
		Make:  Don't know how to make God.  Stop.

		 % date me
		You are not superuser: date not set
		Thu Aug 25 15:52:30 PDT 1988
		 
		 % who is smart
		suvax1!hirayama tty12   Aug 25 15:04

		 % man rear
		No manual entry for rear.

		 % If I had a ) for every dollar Reagan spent, what would I have?
		Too many )'s.

		 % * How would you describe George Bush
		*: Ambiguous.

		 % %Vice-President
		%Vice-President: No such job.

		 % "How would you rate Reagan's senility?
		Unmatched ".
		 
		 % [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
		Missing ].

		 % ^How did the^sex change operation go?
		Modifier failed.

		 % cp /dev/null sex; chmod 000 sex
		 % more sex
		sex: Permission denied
		 % mv sex show
		 % strip show
		strip: show: Permission denied

		 % who is my match?
		No match.

		 % set i="Democratic_Platform";mkdir $i;chmod 000 $i;ls $i
		Democratic_Platform unreadable

		 % awk "Polly, the ship is sinking"
		awk: syntax error near line 1
		awk: bailing out near line

		 % %blow
		%blow: No such job.

		% 'thou shalt not commit adultery'
		thou shalt not commit adultery: Command not found.

	> From the bourne shell (sh):

		$ drink < bottle;opener
		bottle: cannot open
		opener: not found

		$ "Amelia Earhart"
		Amelia Earhart: not found

		$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
		no sense in pretending!

		$ man -kisses dog
		dog: nothing appropriate

		$ mkdir "Yellow Pages";fiYellow Pages
		$ mkdir matter;cat > matter
		matter: cannot create

		$ lost
		lost: not found

		$ found
		found: not found

		$ i=Hoffa ;>$i ;$i ;rm $i ;rm $i
		Hoffa: cannot execute
		rm: Hoffa nonexistent

		% strip bra
		bra:  Cannot open

		% sccs what bottle
		can't open bottle (26)

		$ cat "door: paws too slippery"
		can't open door: paws too slippery

		$ cat food_in_tin_cans
		cat: can't open food_in_tin_cans

-< A little UNIX humor :-D >-


NOTE :

% => user must run C- Shell.
$ => user must run Bourne-Shell


% rm meese-ethics
rm: meese-ethics nonexistent
 
% ar m God
ar: God does not exist
 
% "How would you rate Reagan's incompetence?
Unmatched ".
 
% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
Missing ].                                                                     
 
% ^How did the sex change^ operation go?
Modifier failed.
 
% If I had a ( for every $ Congress spent, what would I have?  
Too many ('s.
 
% make love
Make:  Don't know how to make love.  Stop.
 
% sleep with me 
bad character
 
% got a light?
No match.
 
% man: why did you get a divorce?
man:: Too many arguments.
 
% ^What is saccharine?
Bad substitute.
 
% %blow
%blow: No such job.
 
% \(-
(-: Command not found.
 
% sh
 
$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
no sense in pretending!
 
$ drink <bottle; opener
bottle: cannot open
opener: not found
 
$ mkdir matter; cat >matter
matter: cannot create

Q: How many Unix Support staff does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Read the man page!

Q: How many Support staff does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None.  The bulb was fine; you just forgot to turn the switch on.

Q: Is there a UNIX FORTRAN optimizer?
A: Yeah, "rm *.f"

Q: Is there a proper procedure for asking the support staff questions?
A: Questions will not be answered by the support staff unless the 
   proper procedure is used.

Q: How do I send electronic mail?
A: I'm busy now, please send me e-mail.

Q: Why do support staff email messages always end in quotes no one
   understands? 
A: "The way is void" -Musashi

Q: Is there some documentation for the "tn3270" command?
A: It's here with a description of emacs vi-mode.

=====
from:
Christopher Welty  ---  Asst. Director, RPI CS Labs | "Porsche:  Fahren in
weltyc@cs.rpi.edu             ...!njin!nyser!weltyc |  seiner schoensten Form"