From rifkin@umdnj.edu Thu Dec 8 10:15:06 1994 Subject: Forwarded mail... X-Mailer: ELM [version 2.4 PL23] Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=US-ASCII Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Content-Length: 3429 Forwarded message: >From EAMEEN@WELLESLEY.EDU Wed Dec 7 19:20:12 EST 1994 Date: Tue, 06 Dec 1994 08:32:55 -0500 (EST) From: Roonie To: sajordan@mhc.mtholyoke.edu, ebartenh@polar.bowdoin.edu, sameen@acpub.duke.edu, crandazzo@tlc-486.clemson.edu, dorth@emerald.tufts.edu, ahamlin@post.slc.edu, rifkin@UMDNJ.EDU Message-Id: <01HKBF3CUHB6939OR6@WELLESLEY.EDU> X-Envelope-To: rifkin@UMDNJ.edu X-Vms-To: @amis.dis Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; CHARSET=US-ASCII Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7BIT >>> Let's face it-English is a crazy language. There is no egg in >>>eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. >>>English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. >>>Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. >>> >>>We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that >>>quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is >>>neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. >>> >>>And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't >>>groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't >>>the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? >>>One index, 2 indices? >>> >>>Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you >>>comb through annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch >>>of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? >>> >>>If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats >>>vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps >>>you bote your tongue? >>> >>>Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum >>>for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and >>>play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that >>>run and feet that smell. >>> >>>How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same thing, while a wise man >>>and a wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, >>>while quite a lot and quite a few are the same? How can the weather be hot >>>as hell one day and cold as hell another? >>> >>>Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are >>>absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a >>>sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who >>>was combobulated, gruntled, ruly, or peccable? And where are all those >>>people who ARE spring chickens and who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly? >>> >>>You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house >>>can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out >>>and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on. >>> >>>English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the c >>>reativity of the human race(which, of course, isn't a race at all). That >>>is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are >>>out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but >>>when I wind up this essay, I end it. >>> >>>NOTE: Author unknown to me. >>> . _ .-^^-._ o 'Roonie' )~\.) @\ , eameen@wellesley.edu ( \_ < )/'-. _./ 'they say confucius does his crossword with a pen' )_/