And it came to pass,
Early in the morning toward the last day of the semester,
There arose a great multitude smiting the books and wailing.
And there was much weeping and gnashing of teeth.
For the day of judgement was at hand.
And they were sore afraid, for they had left undone,
Those things which they ought to have done,
And there was no helping for it.
And there were many abiding in the dorm,
Who had kept watch over their books by night,
But it availed them naught.
But some there were who rose peacefully,
For they had prepared themselves the way,
And made straight paths for knowledge.
And these were known
As wise burners of the midnight oil.
And to others they were known as "curve raisers."
And the multitude arose,
And ate a hearty breakfast.
And they came unto the appointed place.
And their hearts were heavy within them.
And they had come to pass,
But some to pass out.
And some of them,
Repented of riotous living and bemoaned their fate,
But they had not a prayer,
And at the last hour there came among them,
One known as the instructor, and they feared exceedingly.
He was of the diabolical smile,
And passed papers among them and went his way.
And many and varied
Were the answers that were given,
For some of his teachings had fallen among fertile minds.
Others had fallen among the fallows,
While others had fallen flat.
And some there were who wrote for an hour,
Others for two,
But some turned away sorrowful, and many of these
Offered up a little bull
In hopes of pacifying the instructor.
And these were the ones who had not a prayer.
And when they finished,
They gathered up their belongings
And went their way quietly, each in his own direction.
And each one vowing unto himself in this manner:
"I shall not pass this way again."

                                -author unknown


"If I could go through the dorms and shoot people, exam pressures would be put
 into perspective." -- Professor Ralph Noble

"Of course, it is very important to be sober when you take an exam. Many
 worthwile careers in the street-cleansing, fruit-picking and subway-guitar-
 playing industries have been founded on a lack of understanding of this
 simple fact." -- Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures

"When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into the
 soul of the boy sitting next to me." -- Woody Allen

"Instead of having 'answers' on a math test, they should just call them
 'impressions' and if you got a diffrent 'impression' so what, can't we all
 be brothers?" -- Jack Handey

"Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society.
 If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people
 for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of
 power."  -- P.J. O'Rourke


Now I sit me down to study,
I pray the Lord I won't go nutty.
If I should fail to learn this junk,
I pray the Lord I will not flunk.

Now I lay me down to rest,
I pray I pass tommorrow's test.
If I should die before I wake,
That's one less test I'll have to take.