I know there's a list of these 5-line poems somewhere out there. The following were taken from the popular 'fortune -o'. While I, with my usual enthusiasm, Was exploring in Ermintrude's busiasm, She explained, "They are flat, But think nothing of that -- You will find that my sweet sister Susiasm." -------------- -------------- There once was a young man named Gene Who invented a screwing machine Concave and convex It served either sex And it played with itself in between. -------------- -------------- There was a young man from Bel-Aire Who was screwing his girl on the stair, But the banister broke So he doubled his stroke And finished her off in mid-air. -------------- -------------- There once was a freshman named Lin, Whose tool was as thin as a pin, A virgin named Joan From a bible belt home, Said "This won't be much of a sin." -------------- -------------- A widow who fancied a man some Was diddled three times in a hansome. When she clamored for more Her young man became sore And exclaimed "My name's Simpson not Samson." -------------- -------------- There was a young man named Crockett Whose balls got caught in a socket. His wife was a bitch, And she threw the switch, As Crockett went off like a rocket. -------------- -------------- He hated to mend, so young Ned Called in a cute neighbor instead. Her husband said, "Vi, When you stitched up his torn fly, Did you have to bite off the thread?" -------------- -------------- There was a gay countess of Bray, And you may think it odd when I say, That in spite of high station, Rank and education, She always spelled cunt with a "k". -------------- -------------- A wanton young lady from Wimley Reproached for not acting quite primly Said, "Heavens above! I know sex isn't love, But it's such an entrancing facsimile." -------------- -------------- There once was a lady from Exeter, So pretty that men craned their necks at her. One was even so brave As to take out and wave The distinguishing mark of his sex at her. -------------- -------------- There was a young lady named Hall, Wore a newspaper dress to a ball. The dress caught on fire And burned her entire Front page, sporting section, and all. -------------- -------------- There once was a hacker named Ken Who inherited truckloads of Yen So he built him some chicks Of silicon chips And hasn't been heard from since then. -------------- -------------- There was a young lady from Maine Who claimed she had men on her brain. But you knew from the view, As her abdomen grew, It was not on her brain that he'd lain. -------------- -------------- There was a young whore from kaloo Who filled her vagina with glue. She said with a grin, "If they pay to get in, They can pay to get out again too!" -------------- -------------- There was a young girl from Hong Kong Whose cervical cap was a gong. She said with a yell, As a shot rang her bell, "I'll give you a ding for a dong!" -------------- -------------- There was a young lady of Norway Who hung by her toes in a doorway. She said to her beau "Just look at me Joe I think I've discovered one more way." -------------- -------------- There once was a plumber from Leigh, Who was plumbing his maid by the sea, Said she, "Please stop plumbing, I think someone's coming!" Said he, "Yes I know love, it's me." -------------- -------------- There was a young girl named Sapphire Who succumbed to her lover's desire. She said, "It's a sin, But now that it's in, Could you shove it a few inches higher?" -------------- -------------- I once met a lassie named Ruth In a long distance telephone booth. Now I know the perfection Of an ideal connection Even if somewhat uncouth. -------------- -------------- A bather whose clothing was strewed By breezes that left her quite nude, Saw a man come along And, unless I'm quite wrong, You expected this line to be lewd. -------------- -------------- There was a young man of St. John's Who wanted to bugger the swans. But the loyal hall porter Said, "Pray take my daughter! Those birds are reserved for the dons." -------------- -------------- There was an old pirate named Bates Who was learning to rhumba on skates. He fell on his cutlass Which rendered him nutless And practically useless on dates. -------------- -------------- In the Garden of Eden sat Adam, Massaging the bust of his madam, He chuckled with mirth, For he knew that on earth, There were only two boobs and he had 'em. -------------- -------------- A worried young man from Stamboul Founds lots of red spots on his tool. Said the doctor, a cynic, "Get out of my clinic; Just wipe off the lipstick, you fool!" -------------- -------------- There was a young lady named Twiss Who said she thought fucking a bliss, For it tickled her bum And caused her to come .siht ekil gniyl ylbatrofmoc elihW -------------- -------------- A pretty young lady named Vogel Once sat herself down on a molehill. A curious mole Nosed into her hole -- Ms. Vogel's ok, but the mole's ill. -------------- -------------- There was a bluestocking in Florence Wrote anti-sex pamphlets in torrents, Till a Spanish grandee, Got her off with his knee, And she burned all her works with abhorrence. -------------- -------------- There was a young lad name of Durcan Who was always jerkin' his gherkin. His father said, "Durcan! Stop jerkin' your gherkin! Your gherkin's for ferkin', not jerkin'. -------------- -------------- A beat schizophrenic said, "Me? I am not I, I'm a tree." But another, more sane, Shouted, "I'm a Great Dane!" And covered his pants leg with pee. -------------- -------------- An architect fellow named Yoric Could, when feeling euphoric, Display for selection Three kinds of erection -- Corinthian, ionic, and doric. -------------- -------------- A mathematician named Hall Has a hexahedronical ball, And the cube of its weight Times his pecker's, plus eight Is his phone number -- give him a call...