From khare@xent.caltech.edu Fri May 7 02:52:55 1993 To: adam@csvax.cs.caltech.edu Subject: Re: Just How Attractive a Female Masturbator Are You? Reply-To: khare@caltech.edu In alt.sex.masturbation article you wrote: > > A while ago a woman wrote me responding to one of my posts on her own > initiative. She didn't like what I said in the e-mail I took the time to > write her, so she took it upon herself to post it for the whole world to > see, whcih led to half the women in this group flaming my butt. > > So, in honour of these fair-minded ladies, and to see who's really > right, me or them (need we guess?), I've put together a helpful little > quiz to aid them in deciding whether they are...in fact... as attractive > as they all claim to be... > > > THE GREG NIKOLIC "AM I AN ATTRACTIVE WOMAN?" TEST > (c) 1993 The Foundation for Contentious Writings > President and Founder GD.Nikolic > > You might be looking in the mirror and asking yourself, "Am I an > *attractive* woman?" Well wonder no more! The Foundation for Contentious > Writings is tickled pink to present an objective, scientologically based > test to determine whether you are, in fact, attractive. > > As you take the test, add up the points you receive. Remember, be honest. > You have no one to lie to but yourself. Some answers are worth negative > points; this is not a mistake. > > You ready? Feel good? Breathing easy? Then go! > > QUESTION ONE > How many times in an average week do guys hit on you? Two points for each > occurence of a genuine, honest to god pass. > > QUESTION TWO > How many times in an average week do guys wolf whistle, make crude remarks > or otherwise definitely notice you? One point per response. > > QUESTION THREE > I've done, or do, work in the following area: (points listed in parentheses) > > (25) FASHION MODELING > (15) DENTAL HYGIENIST > (05) SECRETARY/RECEPTIONIST > (05) RETAIL CLERK/SALESWOMAN > (00) CORRECTIONAL FACILITY INMATE > (00) OTHER > (-5) COMPUTER PROGRAMMING > > QUESTION FOUR > Chooce the statement below which best fits you. > > (0) I understand the Theory of Relativity > (2) I understand why guys are such pigs > (5) I understand why light pink lipstick should only go with certain > foundations. > (7) I understand why daddy loves me. > (8) I understand that guys prefer me to swallow. > (9) Could you repeat the question, please? > > QUESTION FIVE > Do you wear glasses. -5 if you do. > > QUESTION SIX (mathematical) > Divide your body mass by cup size. > > (-15) The number I get is under 40 (but my cup size is less than C). > (10) The number I get is under 40 (mass over 110 lbs) > (5) The number I get is between 41 and 50 > (0) The number I get is between 51 and 70 > (-5) The number I get is over 70 > > QUESTION SEVEN > Answer True or False to these statements: > > I like to wear lingerie and feel sexy then. TRUE: 3. FALSE: 0 > I'd prefer a world where everyone went naked to the sun. TRUE: 3. FALSE: 0 > I am attending a protest against the patriarchy next week. TRUE: -2. FALSE: 0 > Appearance doesn't matter. It's the person inside that counts. T: -2. F: 0 > I like experimenting with makeup. True: -2. False: 0 > I think they had it right in medieval paintings; they appreciated women for > who they were back then. T: -2. F: 0 > > QUESTION EIGHT > The following adjective best describes my body. > > (-5) Full figured > (-1) Oh, average. > (-7) Queen Sized > (+5) Pretty, I guess. > (-5) Hot! I'm hot! > > QUESTION NINE: > What are your most preoccupying thoughts? > > (-5) Does he love me? I wonder if he loves me. Does he? Does he love me? > (+5) We're gonna have a great time tonight. > (+9) I can't decide between the red silk teddy and nothing. > (-9) Fuckin' bastards. (Carving knife noises). I'd like to slit all their > cohones, but slowly. Yeah... > > QUESTION TEN: > Do you work out often? (aerobics and/or strength training) > YES: 10 POINTS > NO, but I plan to: 0 POINTS > NO, my butt's stuck to the couch: -5 POINTS > > > POINT RATINGS. > OK, you've added up all your points. Good luck! > > > 100+ : *sigh* I would crawl through a mile of glass just to be the one who > catches a whiff of the exhaust from the dry cleaners' truck taking > your soiled clothes to be cleaned. > 90-99: Well! Hello there! *bright smile* Gimme a call, we'll get together > some time! > 80-89: *whistle* You're lookin' mighty fine. > 70-79: Mmm. Don't stop whatever you're doing. > 60-69: Hey cutie. > 50-59: *smile* > 40-49: (extra-second scan before passing by) > 30-39: *shrug* > 20-29: (Completely ignoring) > 10-19: (Forgotten quickly) > 0-9 : (The sooner forgotten the better) > NEG. : Oh. Dear. Lord. > -- > "Please allow me to introduce myself. SYMPATHY > I'm a man of wealth and taste. FOR THE DEVIL > I've been around for long, long years. the Laibach > Stolen many a man's soul, and faith." remixes