Newsgroups: rec.humor
Path: nntp-server.caltech.edu!elroy.jpl.nasa.gov!ames!olivea!charnel!rat!zeus!cymbal.calpoly.edu!jplee
From: jplee@cymbal.calpoly.edu (Jason Lee)
Subject: Yomomma:  my collection so far
Message-ID: <1993May12.064036.156989@zeus.calpoly.edu>
Sender: news@zeus.calpoly.edu
Organization: Flea Central
Date: Wed, 12 May 1993 06:40:36 GMT
Lines: 136

Here it is, my collection of yomomma jokes, over a hundred of them.  I've
been collecting them mostly off the net here.  If you have any additions,
please email them to me or post them.  Thanks.


Your momma so fat, when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.
Your momma got so much hair under her arms, it looks like she's got Buckwheat
   in a headlock.
Your momma so fat, they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee
   jumping
Your momma so fat, when they used her underwear elastic for bungee jumping,
   they hit the ground.
Your momma so ugly, people go as her for Halloween.
Your momma so fat, when she back up she beep.
Your momma soooooooooooooo old and stupid she knew the Virgin Mary when she 
   was 10 and said, "Li'l Mary will never amount to anything".
Your momma so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.
Your momma so fat she fell in love and broke it.
Your momma so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck.
Your momma so stupid, when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22
   twice instead.
Your momma so dark she went to night school and was marked absent.
I saw your momma at the freak show petting the world's largest turtle.
Your momma so old she owes Jesus a nickel.
Your momma so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.
Your momma so fat, she wears a VCR for a beeper.
I saw your momma kicking a can down the street. I askes what she was doing, 
   and she said "Moving."
Your momma so fat, she has to buy two airline tickets.
Your momma so stupid, she bought a videocamera to record cable tv shows at home.
Your momma so fat that she cant tie her own shoes.
Your momma so stupid, she asked you "What is the number for 911"
Your momma sets off car alarms when she runs.
Your momma so fat she cant reach her back pocket.
Your momma's hips are so big, people set their drinks on them.
Your momma so ugly, they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.
Your momma so ugly, she made an onion cry.
Your momma so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.
Your momma so dirty she has to creep up on bathwater.
Your momma hair is so nappy she has to take Tylenol just to comb it.
Your momma hair is so short she curls it with rice.
Your momma so short she can play handball on the curb.
Your momma so fat, when the bitch goes to an all you can eat buffet, they
   have to install speed bumps.
Your momma so fat, when she wears one of those X jackets, helicopters try 
   to land on her back!
Your momma so fat, her college graduation picture was an airial. 
Your momma so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he 
   doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.
Your momma so dumb she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
Your momma so clumsy she got tangled up in a cordless phone.
Your momma so dumb she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house.
Your momma so ugly she scares the roaches away.
Your momma so easy that when she heard Santa Claus say HO HO HO she thought 
   she was getting it three times.
Your momma so stank that her sh*t is glad to escape.
Your momma got a wooden leg with a kickstand on it.
Your momma so fat, she influences the tides.
Your momma got a' afro, wit' a chin strap!!!!
Your momma so backwards she sits on the TV and watches the couch.
Your momma so old that when she was in school there was no history class.
Your momma so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.
Your momma so old I told her to act her age and the bitch dropped dead.
Your momma wears a Nike tag on her weave so now everybody calls her Hair Jordan.
Your momma so fat when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to 
   get up again.
Your momma so fat she broke her leg and gravy fell out.
Your momma so fat, when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.
Your momma twice the man you are.
Your momma got a bald head with a part and sideburns.
Your momma's house is so small that when she orders a large pizza she has 
   to go outside to eat it.
Your momma's head is so small that she got her ear pierced and died.
Your momma's head is so short that she took a shower and got brain-washed.
Your momma is so stupid that she sold the car for gas money.
Your momma got two wooden legs and one is one backward.
Your momma so tall, she did a back-flip and kicked Jesus in the mouth.
Your momma so dumb, when she read on her job application to not write below 
   the dotted line she put "O.K."
Your momma's glasses are so thick that when she looks on a map she can see 
  people waving.
Your momma's glasses are so thick she can see into the future.
Your momma's got three fingers and a banjo.
Your momma was so fat that when whe was born, she gave the hospital stretch 
  marks.
Your momma got so many teeth missing, it looks like her tounge is in jail.
Your momma's arms are so short, she has to tilt her head to scratch her ear.
Your momma has 4 eyes and 2 pair of sunglasses.
Your momma has so much hair on her upper lip, she braids it.
Your momma's head is so big, it shows up on radar.
Your momma's middle name is Rambo.
Your momma so dumb that under "Education" on her job apllication, she put 
   "Hooked on Phonics."
Your momma so poor, your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.
Your momma got a metal afro with rusty sideburns.
Your momma's blind and seeing another man.
Your momma's in a wheelchair and says, "You ain't gonna puch me 'round no more."
Your momma rouchy, the McDonalds she works in doesn't even serve Happy Meals.
Your momma watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes.
Your momma has one leg and a bicycle.
Your momma has one hand and a Clapper.
Your momma has green hair and thinks she's a tree.
Your momma has one ear and has to take off her hat to hear what you're saying.
Your momma has a 'fro with warning lights.
Your momma has 10 fingers--all on the same hand.
Your momma has a short leg and walks in circles.
Your momma has a short arm and can't applaude.
Your momma's cross-eyed and watches TV in stereo.
Your momma drives a peanut.
Your momma's got a wooden leg with branches.
Your momma waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.
Your momma is missing a finger and can't count past 9.
Your momma was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags.  I said, "What ya doin'?"  
   She said, "Buying luggage."
Your momma has a wooden afro with an "X" carved in the back.
Your momma was born on Independence Day and can't remember her birthday.
Your momma so old, she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.
Your momma so dumb, she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.
Your momma so dumb she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.
Your momma so poor, she goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken to lick other 
   people's fingers.
Your momma so fat, the animals at the zoo feed her.
Your momma so fat, she was baptized at Marine World.
Your momma so fat, she's on both sides of the family!
Your momma so dumb, when asked on an application, "Sex?", she marked, "M, F
   and sometimes Wednesday too."
Your momma so wrinkled, she has to screw her hat on.
Your momma like a bus:  Guys climb on and off her all day long.
If my dog had a face as ugly as your momma's, I'd shave his ass and make him
walk backwards.

-- 
Jason Lee  jplee@cymbal.calpoly.edu  jlee@cash.busfac.calpoly.edu    SF Giants
e ^ i*pi + 1 = 0    The most beautiful equation in mathematics.    Magic Number:
For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these:             130
     "It might have been."           John Greenleaf Whittier       (20-13   1st)