Subject: Life 3.H ---------------------------------------------------- A few Stephen Wright quotes: "I lost a button hole today." "I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a rare picture of Norman Rockwell beating up a child." "I met her at Macy's. She was shopping... I was putting Slinky's on the escalator." "When I was a child... We had a quick-sand box in the backyard...... I was an only child........ eventually....." "Some people think George is weird, because he has sideburns behind his ears... I think George is weird, because he has false teeth... with braces on them. George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk." "Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity... If you wanted to run the blender, you had to rub balloons on your head." "Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo... He got pretty good... He could go under a rug..." "All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats. The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store... with a pricing gun... She said, "Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store..." "Last year we drove across the country... We switched on the driving... every half mile... We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip........... I don't remember what it was..." "Women... can't live with 'em...... can't shoot 'em" "He was a multi-millionaire... Wanna know how he made all of his money? ... He designed the little diagrams that tell which way to put batteries in..." "I bought some batteries... but they weren't included... so I had to buy them again..." "I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen." "One day, when I came home from work, I accidently put my car key in the door of my apartment building... I turned it... and the whole building started up.... So I drove it around.... A policeman stopped me for going to fast... He said, 'Where do you live?'... I said, 'Right here'... Then I drove my building onto the middle of a highway, and I ran outside, and told all of the cars to get the hell out of my driveway." "If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses." "I saw a close friend of mine the other day... He said 'Stephen, why haven't you called me."... I said, "I can't call everyone I want... my (new) phone has no 'five' on it."... He said, "How long have you had it?"... I said, "I don't know... my calendar has no 'seven's on it." For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier...I put them in the same room and let them fight it out... Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing... For a while I didn't have a car...I had a helicopter...no place to park it, so I just tied it to a lamp post and left it running... [slow glance upward] This is my impression of a bowling ball...[drags the mike along the floor, then lifts it]...gutter... There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices... in the back you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air... I had to stop driving my car for a while...the tires got dizzy... "I have a switch in my apartment......it doesn't do anything......Every once in a while, I turn it on and off......One day I got a call...... it was from a woman in France.......she said "Cut it out"...... "Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?" "I got into an elevator at work and this man followed in after me...I pushed '1' and he just stood there...I said 'Hi, where you going?' He said, 'Phoenix.' So I pushed Phoenix. A few seconds later the doors opened, two tumbleweeds blew in...we were in downtown Phoenix. I looked at him and said 'You know, you're the kind of guy I want to hang around with.' We got into his car and drove out to his shack in the desert. Then the phone rang. He said 'You get it.' I picked it up and said 'Hello?'...the other side said 'Is this Steven Wright?'...I said 'Yes...' The guy said 'Hi, I'm Mr. Jones, the student loan director from your bank...It seems you have missed your last 17 payments, and the university you attended said that they recieved none of the $17,000 we loaned you...we would just like to know what happened to the money?' I said, 'Mr. Jones, I'll give it to you straight. I gave all of the money to my friend Slick, and with it he built a nuclear weapon...and I would appreciate it you never called me again." ---------------------------------------------------- From a card: Two men pictured on the front, involved in a duel, with pistols. One has fired, the bullet whistling past the other's head. The other gent still has his unfired weapon poised for a shot. The caption: "I missed you today...", and on the inside, "I hope you miss me too." ---------------------------------------------------- A famous phrase that Ho Chi Minh used to say is "Nothing is more precious than Independence and Freedom". Ho left this world in 1969 before he could accomplish what he said. Thirteen years after the communist North Vietnam took over the South, Ho went back from hell to visit the new Vietnam. He came to a Poliburo meeting and asked the Party's leader, "What have you guy accomplished after I've gone?" The Party's leader replied, "Dear Uncle Ho, we have accomplished the first word you preached, there is 'Nothing' now". ---------------------------------------------------- What were the greatest banking transactions mentioned in the Bible? 1) When Pharaoh's daughter went into the bulrushs and came out with a little prophet 2) When Moses led the Children of Israel to the Banks of the Jordan ---------------------------------------------------- A few history books tell of Helen of Spud. She had, of course, a face that launched a thousand chips... (err, perhaps that should be "lunched?") ---------------------------------------------------- When I bought some new glasses a few months ago, the lady kept on saying how great the lenses were that I was getting. She kept on saying, ``You can shoot a bullet right through them.'' I figured you could do this with most lenses, but I didn't say anything. ---------------------------------------------------- ObJoke: Why are there so many lawyers in Philadelphia, and so many toxic waste dumps in New Jersey? New Jersey got to pick first. ---------------------------------------------------- On a clear disk you can seek forever. ---------------------------------------------------- I saw one in which someone took a "Save the Whales" bumper sticker, cut out a letter and turned one upside-down to spell: "Save the Males" ---------------------------------------------------- Business Week, October 17: Laura Newman's business is selling information on local real-estate transactions. But when she was working out of her home, people calling for information thought she was a flake. In the background they'd hear a baby crying or a TV blaring. Not very impressive. She solved the problem by playing a tape of typical office sounds: clacking typewriters, ringing phones, etc. It was so convincing that clients would apologize for calling at a busy time. ---------------------------------------------------- Q : What does a Chinese cook say to his children the first thing in the morning? A : Rice and Shine. Q : What does a Chinese lumberjack do? A : Chop sticks. Q : What is the name of the most favorite T.V. game show in China? A : Wheel of Fortune Cookies. Q : What does a Chinese cook do for exercise? A : He goes to a Wok. ---------------------------------------------------- A condo committee was screening a couple interested in renting an apartment: What kind of work do you do? they were asked. My husband is an engineer and I'm a school-teacher, the wife replied. Any children? asked a committee member. Yes, 7 & 8 years old, the wife replied. Animals? asked another committee member. Oh no! They're very well-behaved! ---------------------------------------------------- Here's the first one: How come diamonds are a girl's best friend, but a man has to settle for a dog? ---------------------- Life's little mystery: How can a two pound box of candy make you gain 5 pounds? ---------------------- If you have a tendency to brag, just remember: It's not the whistle that pulls the train. ---------------------------------------------------- Seems this American, a Chezkolsavakian, and a Russian are traveling through Europe on a train. The American is pffing on a cigarrette. He gets down to the last 1/2 inch or so that tends to really taste like butt. So he tosses it out the window. The Russian dives for the smoke, but misses. He tells the American; "Stupid American! In Russia we kill for that much tobbacco!" The American responds, "We have pleanty of tobbacco in America." So the Russian proceeds to drink on his bottle of Vodka (Wodka) untill he gets to the last 1/2 inch or so which is mostly backwash anyway. He tosses the bottle out the window. The Chezk dives for the bottle before it leaves the train, but too late. He tells the Russian; "Stupid Rusian! In Cheskolsavakia we would kill for that much Vodka!" The Russian responds, "In Russia we have pleanty of Vodka (Wodka)." Well alittle time passes and then the Chezk grabs the Russian, bites his ear clean off, and tosses him out the window. The American dives for the Russian, but too late. The American totally flabergasted says to the Chezk; "Are you CRAZY?!!" The Chezk responds; "Don't worry. In Chezkolsavakia we have pleanty of Russians." ---------------------------------------------------- The following were found in a cross stitch book of sayings. You may have heard some of these already. 1. A closed mouth gathers no foot 3. God created a few perfect heads, the rest he covered with hair 4. There's no reason for it, its just OUR POLICY 6. After 40 its patch, patch, patch 7. If I'd know that I was going to live so long, I'd have taken better care of myself 8. No matter where I go, there I am ---------------------------------------------------------------- Fumbling The Future How Xerox invented, then ignored, the first personal computer by Smith and Alexander William Morrow and Co. Starring Bob Taylor, Butler Lampson, Dave Liddle, Gary Starkweather, Jack Goldman, Peter McColough, John Ellenby, Jerry Elkind, Shelby Carter, ... Stacey's Bookstore in Palo Alto sold out their first shipment in two days. (Palo Alto Reseach Center, Parc, is where Xerox did the research.) ---------------------------------------------------- The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own. -- H.G. Wells ---------------------------------------------------- There was a cannibal walking through the jungle and he came upon a restaurant opened by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry he sat down and looked over the menu Broiled Missionary $25.00 Fried Explorer $35.00 Baked Politician $100.00 The customer called the cook over and asked "why such a price difference for the politician?" The cook replied "Have you ever tried to clean one of them?" ---------------------------------------------------- A Dukakis aide walked into the meeting with the poll results from the Quayle-Bentsen debate and presented Dukakis with the results...... "We got some good news and some bad news sir. The good news is that Bentsen won the debate hands down and it looks like 80 percent of those polled would vote for the democratic ticket." "well, that's great news! What could be so bad after hearing news like that?" "Almost all of that 80 percent said they would shoot you after the election." ---------------------------------------------------- CI caught the end of a Mark Russell repeat last night on PBS. He was satirizing the 1980 presidential campaign (you know, the one that featured Jimmy and Ronny). Here are two lines which I thought were not only funny, but also just as valid today as they were in '80 (maybe even moreso). "My greatest fear is that... one of the candidates... will win." "One thing I know for sure... is that whoever wins... he'll be the evil of two lessers." ---------------------------------------------------- Canadian elections: The Rhinoceros Party Quote from the leader of the Rhinoceros Party. "You can't expect to fool some of the people all of the time, or all of the people some of the time, but if you can fool the majority of the people at election time, that's time enough!" ---------------------------------------------------- From the space dl... In a bizarre experiment designed to simulate life in space, the Gambian Air Force welded four men in the cab of a 1957 Chevy pickup and left them there for sixteen days. The WEEKLY WORLD NEWS reports that the men were hospitalized with heatstroke after being freed from their "spacecraft". General Dembo Ceesay, the top-ranking officer in the Gambian Air Force (which has yet to buy its first plane), defended the tests, saying they "are imperative if we are to reap the benefits of interplanetary exploration and trade". ---------------------------------------------------- The following is regrettably anecdotal and I wish I had more firsthand info on it; anyway, here goes: For one of his tours, Stevie Wonder contracted with Northwest Sound to build a set of PA speakers of extraordinary capability -- response nearly flat out to 45 kHz, etc. A few weeks into the tour, though, the performances seemed to be souring. Everybody -- artists, crew, even the audience -- seemed irritable and impatient. Indeed, the performances started out well enough, but an hour or so into the show the audience became testy and actually were moved to boo during pauses, for no apparent reason. Finally, during one show, one of the sound guys was examining the audio spectrum analyzer screen, and mistakenly pushed the 20 kHz - 200 kHz range button instead of the 2 kHz - 20 kHz button. Imagine his alarm at the sight of a potent 28 kHz component, the product of all the synthesizers' DAC update clocks. It was lying just outside the (ordinarily) high hearing limit of 20 kHz, so it was never noticed by the sound crew and their instrumentation. Cause discovered, the noxious 28 kHz spike was eliminated with an equalizer, and everybody went home happy but chastened. The person who related this story to me suspects that the event is not widely known, being of large embarrassment and trivial cause. Is he right? Has anyone else heard about this? ---------------------------------------------------- Woman charges ex-husband put false statements on reunion survey St. Paul, MN (AP) - A woman has sued her ex-husband, claiming he filled out her class reunion questionnaire with deflamatory information, including that one of her hobbies is "looking for new and wealthier husbands." In a suit filed in Ramsey County District Court, Sharon K. Silver alleges that her former husband, Gerald H. Pfeffer of Willernie, received the reunion questionnaire and sent it back with false allegations. The responses were published in a reunion publication and seen by 100 former classmates, according to the suit. Under the heading "Achievements most proud of," Pfeffer wrote, according to the suit, "My three divorces and how each time I married into more money to the point where I am now living on the $400,000 settlement and interest from my third divorce." The suit also said Pfeffer wrote that his ex-wife's hobbies were night clubbing, partying and looking for new and wealthier husbands. Under the heading "Secret Ambition or Fantasy," the suit claims Pfeffer wrote: "Seeing if I can't get married as many times as Liz Taylor and gain my riches through divorces instead of working." Pfeffer could not be reached for comment on Wednesday. The reunion committee for Silver's class of 1958 sent out questionnaires last spring asking for information to be included in a publication for former classmates, the suit said. Silver, who now lives in West Virginia, claims the questionnaire fell into Pfeffer's hands when it was mailed to her old address in Willernie. She is seeking in excess of $50,000 in damages, claiming a loss of reputation. [From the San Jose Mercury News, October 7, 1988 edition] ---------------------------------------------------- From: cate3.osbu_north@XEROX.COM Subject: Life 6.J ---------------------------------------------------- " ." -- Harpo Marx A fair exterior is a silent recommendation. A good reputation is more valuable than money. Be careful, the last person using this keyboard had a terminal disease. Be it our wealth, our jobs, or even our homes, nothing is safe while the legislature is in session. Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more. Beware of programmers carrying screwdrivers Californians are not without their faults. Down with ignurance! He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened. Hello? Jim Rockford's machine? This is Larry Dooheany's machine. Will you please have your master call my master at his convenience? Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Hello? You the party that lost a wallet in the Park Theater? Well, I'll be returning the money, but I'm kinda into leather, so I'm gonna keep the wallet. I have often regretted my speech, never my silence. I'd just as soon kiss a Wookiee. If not controlled, work flows to the competent person until he is submerged. If you stay up all night wondering where the sun is, it will dawn on you. If you treat people right, they will treat you right; 90 per cent of the time. Information is the inverse of entropy. It is better to have loved and lost than just to have lost. It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end. It is smart to pick your friends--but not to pieces. It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to educate his father. Knowledge without common sense is folly. Learning without thought is labor lost; thought without learning is perilous. Many receive advice, few profit by it. Massachusetts has the best politicians money can buy. My foolish parents taught me to read and write. Never argue with a woman when she's tired--or rested. Never say anything more predictive than "Watch this!" Nihilism doesn't exist. No amount of genius can overcome a preoccupation with detail. No man is rich enough to buy back his past. Nothing astonishes man so much as common sense and plain dealing. Nothing endures but change. Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive. Only a fool has no doubts. Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back, and instead of bleeding, he sings. P-K4. People smart enough to give good advice are usually smart enough to give none. Practice yourself what you preach. Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them. Reading the small print is education; not reading it is experience. Research is to see what everyone else has, and then think what no one else has. Sight is a faculty; seeing is an art. Some men are discovered; others are found out. Statistics are no substitute for judgement. Statistics are used as a drunk uses lampposts--for support, not illumination. Stop searching forever. Happiness is unattainable. Taxpayers don't have to take a civil service exam to work for the government. The Romans would never have had time to conquer the world if they had been obliged to first learn Latin. The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away. The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn't been asleep. The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves. The life which is unexamined is not worth living. The man who raises a fist has run out of ideas. The only rose without thorns is friendship. The perfect guest is one who makes his host feel at home. The shifts of Fortune test the reliability of friends. The time is right to make new friends. The universe is all a spinoff of the Big Bang. The world isn't worse. Its just that the news coverage is so much better. There is life after death: in Cleveland, people are still allowed to vote. There is only one way to kill capitalism--by taxes, taxes, and more taxes. To do nothing is to be nothing. To give happiness is to deserve happiness. True happiness will be found only in true love. Try to value useful qualities in one who loves you. UFOs are real. The Air Force doesn't exist. Under every stone lurks a politician. We cannot do everything at once, but we can do something at once. We may be alone. We may not be alone. Either way, the thought is staggering. We secure our friends not by accepting favors, but by doing them. Well begun is half done. When you ain't got nothin', you got nothin' to lose. While there's life, there's hope. Why are there no blue M&Ms? Why do we study poverty instead of wealth? Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know. Wit has truth in it. Wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words. With clothes the new are best, with friends the old are best. You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. You are in a maze of twisty little programs, all alike. You are tricky, but never to the point of dishonesty. You cannot use your friends and have them too. You should hardly ever equivocate. You will spend the rest of your life in the future. Your resume will be used on the "Tonight Show" monologue. ---------------------------------------------------- If you save one life, it is as if you saved the world. Its a good idea not to live your life just to please others. You don't please yourself and you end up not pleasing anyone else. But if you please yourself, maybe you'll please someone else--Groucho Marx Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him--Groucho Marx Beyond the Alps lies more Alps, and the Lord alps those that alps themselves--Groucho Marx The clergy, by getting themselves established by law and ingrafted into the machinery of government, have been a very formidable engine against the civil and religious rights of man--Thomas Jefferson We have no right to prejudice another in his civil enjoyments because he is not of another church. If any man errs from the right way, it is his own misfortune, no injury to thee; nor therefore art thou to punish him in the things of this life because thou supposeth he will be miserable in that which is to come-- on the contrary, according to the spirit of the gospel, charity, bounty, liberality is due to him--Thomas Jefferson There's only one answer to an audience. If they don't laugh, take it out and try another one. If it gets a laugh, leave it in. If you keep talking long enough, you say something funny--Groucho Marx One day a mule inspired us to horse around. We started insulting the audience and they laughed--Groucho Marx If you have a lot of lucky breaks, it isn't just an accident--Groucho Marx Hollywood is a place where they place you under contract instead of under observation--Walter Winchell Television is a medium--so called because it is neither rare nor well done--Ernie Kovacs You can bet that a waitress in a Texas diner is tired of hearing the line, "Remember the a la mode." A still tongue makes a happy life--The Prisoner The best way to win an argument is to be right. Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there--Will Rogers Perhaps we cannot prevent this world from being a world in which children are tortured. But we can reduce the number of tortured children--Albert Camus You needn't love your enemy, but if you refrain from telling lies about him, you are doing well enough--Edgar Watson Howe Tell me whom you love and I will tell you what you are--Arsene Houssaye The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother--Reverend Theodore Hesburgh No man ever said on his deathbed, "I wish I had spent more time on my business"--Senator Paul Tsongas How often have I said to you that when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth--Sherlock Holmes As scarce as the truth is, the supply is always greater than the demand--Josh Billings Keep doing good deeds long enough, and you'll probably turn out a good man. In spite of yourself--Louis Auchincloss We judge ourselves by our motives and others by their actions--Dwight Morrow It is tempting to deny the existence of evil, since denying it obviates the need to fight it--Alexis Carrel It would be nice if sometimes the kind things I say were considered worthy of quotation. It isn't difficult, you know, to be witty or amusing when one has something to say that is destructive, but damned hard to be clever and quotable when you are singing someone's praises--Noel Coward If men are so wicked with religion, what would they be without it?--Benjamin Franklin Prayer does not change G-d, but it changes him who prays--Soren Kierkegaard To test the worth of a man's religion, do business with him--John Lancaster Spalding G-d did not build Auschwitz and its crematoria. Men did....The Holocaust may make faith in G-d difficult, but it makes faith in man impossible--Dennis Prager and Joseph Telushkin Nature is neutral. Man has wrested from nature the power to make the world a desert or to make the deserts bloom. There is no evil in the atom; only in men's souls--Adlai Stevenson Life is like a game of cards. The hand that is dealt you represents determinism; the way you play it is free will--Jawaharlal Nehru A man who has committed a mistake and doesn't correct it, is committing a second mistake--Confucius We do not err because truth is difficult to see. It is visible at a glance. We err because it is more comfortable--Alexander Solzhenitsyn If we only wanted to be happy, it would be easy; but we want to be happier than other people, which is almost always difficult, since we think them happier than they are--Montesquieu We have no more right to consume happiness without producing it than to consume wealth without producing it--George Bernard Shaw Ours seems to be the only nation on earth that asks its teenagers what to do about world affairs, and tells its golden-agers to go out and play--Julian Grow The man who is too old to learn was probably always too old to learn--Henry Haskins If I had any epitaph...it would be to say that I disturbed the sleep of my generation--Adlai Stevenson Suicide is not abominable because G-d forbids it. G-d forbids it because it is abominable--Immanuel Kant There are many people who dare not kill themselves for fear of what the neighbors would say--Cyril Connolly Who is rich? One who is happy with what he has--Talmud Many men hoard for the future husbands of their wives--Solomon Ibn Gabirol Told that a certain man had acquired great wealth, a sage asked, "Has he also acquired the days in which to spend it?"--Solomon Ibn Gabirol If a nation values anything more than freedom, it will lose its freedom; and the irony of it is that if it is comfort or money that it values more, it will lose that, too--W Somerset Maugham Democracy [has] at least one merit, namely that a Member of Parliament cannot be stupider than his constituents, for the more stupid he is, the more stupid they were to elect him--Bertrand Russell Man's capacity for justice makes democracy possible, but man's inclination to injustice makes democracy necessary--Reinhold Niebuhr Democracy gives every man the right to be his own oppressor--James Russell Lowell There is an increased demand for codes of ethics in politics, although most officeholders are sworn in with their hand resting on one--Bill Vaughn The tragedy of politics: "If you live with pirates, you must behave like a pirate" (Bismark); but if you behave like a pirate, you end by becoming one yourself--Charles Issawi I would rather fail in a cause that someday will triumph than win in a cause that I know someday will fail--Woodrow Wilson The hardest thing about any political campaign is how to win without proving that you are unworthy of winning--Adlai Stevenson There are many men of principle in both parties in America, but there is no party of principle--Alexis de Tocqueville A president's hardest task is not to do what is right, but to know what is right--Lyndon B Johnson When I was a boy, I was told that anyone could become President; now I'm beginning to believe it--Clarence Darrow I would rather be governed by the first 300 names in the Boston telephone book than by the faculty of Harvard University--William F Buckley, Jr In peace, sons bury their fathers; in war, fathers bury their sons--Herodotus Can anything be more ridiculous than that a man has a right to kill me because he lives on the other side of the water, and because his ruler has a quarrel with mine, although I have none with him?--Blaise Pascal The one thing I cannot forgive the Arabs for is that they forced our sons to kill their sons--Golda Meir I have given instructions that I am to be informed every time one of our soldiers is killed, even if it is the middle of the night. When President Nasser leaves instructions that he be awakened in the middle of the night if an Egyptian soldier is killed, there will be peace--Golda Meir Heretofore, all moral codes held that at times life must be sacrificed for the sake of morality. Pacifism holds the direct opposite: morality must be sacrificed for the sake of life--Dennis Prager Pacifism means biology takes precedence over morality: long lives are more valuable than good lives--Dennis Prager It is not true that we have only one life to live; if we read, we can live as many more lives and as many kinds as we wish--Senator S I Hayakawa When you reread a classic, you do not see more in the book than you did before; you see more in you than there was before--Clifton Fadiman If you want to know the character of a person you are meeting socially, it is more important to see how they act towards the waiter, whom they are not obliged to impress, than how they act towards you--Dennis Prager Competition brings out the best in products and the worst in people--David Sarnoff One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men. No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man--Elbert Hubbard A man who says that no patriot should attack the war until it is over is not worth answering intelligently; he is saying that no good son should warn his mother off a cliff until she has fallen over it--G K Chesterton A dog run over by a car upsets our emotional balance....Three million Jews killed in Poland causes but a moderate uneasiness. Statistics don't bleed; it is the detail which counts--Arthur Koestler Fear not to negotiate, but never negotiate out of fear--John F Kennedy America is the only country where a letter informing you that you may have just won a million dollars could be considered junk mail. Most politicians don't listen to their conscience, because, after all, who wants to take advice from a total stranger? Determinism is the hand you are dealt; free will is what you do with that hand--quoted by Dennis Prager When angry, count ten before you speak; if very angry, a hundred--Thomas Jefferson He was a man who could be gentle without being weak and strong without being tough. That's extremely rare--William Wyler of Gary Cooper In short, and this is all wording up in a terrible admission for which I'll get a ton of coal dumped on my head--I just don't like motion pictures....I play in films for one thing only, money--Laurence Olivier He puts on film only the things he loves and has few pretentions about making great films or great art. Consequently, he comes closer than most--Francis Ford Coppola of George Lucas When I started out, I didn't have any desire to be an actress or learn how to act. I just wanted to be famous--Katherine Hepburn Television is an invention that permits you to be entertained in your living room by people you wouldn't have in your home--David Frost When one door closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us--Helen Keller Our parents were of Midwestern stock and very strict. They didn't want us to grow up to be spoiled and rich. If we left our tennis racquets in the rain, we were punished---Nancy Ellis, George Bush's sister Its been proven through history that women's a mystery says Popeye the Sailor man. It seemed to him that in addition to being beautiful, she brought out all that was best in him of intellect and soul. That is to say, she let him talk oftener and longer than any girl he had ever known--P G Wodehouse The number of Unix installations has grown to 10, with more expected--The Unix Programmer's Manual, 2nd Edition, June, 1972 Why is it, everytime I see Dan Quayle, I feel like buying a vowel--Emo Phillips Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers--Socrates Society is a place where people live together; the lone wolf belongs in the wilderness--Number Two, the Prisoner Buy land. They've stopped making it--Mark Twain Religion isn't knowing the answers; it's knowing there are answers. People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children--Calvin and Hobbes Honesty is the best policy--there's less competition. It is now proved beyond doubt that smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics. ----------------------------------------------------