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From: peabody@virtual.cuc.ab.ca (Mike Nemeth)
Subject: application to join the GOP
Message-ID: <C7JpJM.D3v@virtual.cuc.ab.ca>
Organization: Virtual Universe Corp
Distribution: na
Date: Mon, 24 May 1993 19:16:34 GMT
Lines: 157


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APPLICATION TO JOIN THE REPUBLICAN PARTY


Net worth:

	- $1,000,000.00
	- more
	- a lot more

Family Name:

	- White
	- Anglo
	- Saxon
	- Protestant
	- Bush
	- Reagan
	- Nixon
	- other (please specify): ___________

First Name:

	- George
	- William
	- George Jr
	- Ronald
	- Nelson
	- Richard
	- other (please specify): _____________

Race:

	- white
	- want to be white and have an awful lot of money

Religion:

	- Protestant
	- Catholic with tons of money

Occupation:

	- noveau riche
	- oil magnate
	- ex dictator
	- other (please specify): ___________________

What is your wife's First Name?

	- Nancy
	- Barbara
	- Imelda
	- Eva
	- other (please specify): ________________

When did your ancestors come over from England?

	- 300 years ago
	- 200 years ago
	- 100 years ago
	(if less then 100 years or if they didn't come over from England
	 don't bother going any farther, unless you have a LOT of money)

College Attended:

	- Harvard
	- Princeton
	- Cambridge
	- other (please specify): _______________________

Reason You Left College:

	- quit to join Daddy's law firm
	- hushed-up scandal
	- family relocated because of sudden coup
	- other (please specify): _____________________________

What kind of car do you drive?

	- Me drive a car? You must be joking! I have a limo and a driver.
	- Cadillac
	- BMW (noveau-riche only)

Principal residence:

	- New England
	- California
	- boat moored outside 3 mile limit

What did your father do before becoming a lawyer?

	- horse thief
	- pimp
	- arms dealer
	- tobacco merchant
	- other (please specify): ___________________

What did your grandfather do before becoming a laywer?

	- railroad baron
	- swindler
	- carpetbagger
	- other (please specify): ___________________

What are your hobbies?

	- tennis
	- corporate takeovers
	- arms dealing
	- fleecing widows and orphans
	- destabilizing democratically-elected latin american governments
	- other (please specify): _____________________

Primary Reason for wishing to join the Grand Old Party:

	- looks good on corporate resume
	- don't want to associate with smelly mobs
	- only real party with any power these days

Your Favourite President:

	- Nixon
	- Reagan
	- other (please specify) _____________
	(if you wrote "Carter" or "Lincoln", don't bother going any farther)

Your favourite Vice-President:

	- Agnew
	- Quayle
	- Rockefeller
	- Swartzenegger
	- other (please specify): _____________

Favourite Authors:

	- Buckley

Favourite Television Show:

	- Crossfire

Favourite Food:

	- white bread

Favourite Causes:

	- gout research
	- contras
	- NRA

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