From seppley@alumni.caltech.edu Sat Apr 29 02:03:33 1995 Resent-Message-Id: <199504290901.CAA14327@alumni.caltech.edu> Sender: Resent-From: "Steve Eppley" Resent-To: bell@qdeck.com, adam at xent dot com Resent-Date: Fri, 28 Apr 1995 22:14:34 -800 Subject: The Twelve Commandments of Flaming (fwd) Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Sender: Democracynow@teleport.com Reply-To: democracynow@teleport.com I got this some days ago, but I didn't think it was relevant here. Now I do. Date: Sun, 16 Apr 1995 01:29:31 GMT From: Octobersdad@crecon.demon.co.uk (T. Bruce Tober) To: rkmoore@iol.ie reposted from (yes) rec.humor From: rolleston_c@ix.wcc.govt.nz (Chris Rolleston) Subject: The Twelve Commandments of Flaming Date: 19 Sep 1994 13:03:33 GMT 1. Make things up about your opponent: It's important to make your lies sound true. Preface your argument with the word "clearly." "Clearly, Brian Hillis is a racist, and a dirtball to boot." 2. Be an armchair psychologist: You're a smart person. You've heard of Freud. You took a psychology course in college. Clearly, you're qualified to psychoanalyze your opponent. "Peach Pshawski (God Bless You!), by using the word 'zucchini' in her posting, shows she has a bad case of .........." 3. Cross-post your flames: Everyone on the net is just waiting for the next literary masterpiece to leave your terminal. From OPINION to EZ-READER to PETS to CHIT-CHAT, they're all holding their breaths until your next flame. Therefore, post everywhere. 4. Conspiracies abound: If everyone's against you, the reason can't *possibly* be that you're a #anatomypart@. There's obviously a conspiracy against you, and you will be doing the entire net a favor by exposing it. 5. Lawsuit threats: This is the reverse of Rule #4 (sort of like the Yin & Yang of flaming). Threatening a lawsuit is always considered to be in good form. "By saying that I've posted to the wrong group, |Didley has libelled me, slandered me, and sodomized me. See you in court, |Didley." 6. Force them to document their claims: Even if Ralph Gagliano states outright that he likes tomato sauce on his pasta, you should demand documentation. If Newsweek hasn't written an article on Ralph's pasta preferences, then Ralph's obviously lying. 7. Use foreign phrases: French is good, but Latin is the lingua franca of flaming. You should use the words "ad hominem" at least three times per article. Other favorite Latin phrases are "ad nauseum", "vini, vidi, vici", "fetuccini alfredo". 8. Tell 'em how smart you are: Why use intelligent arguments to convince them you're smart when all you have to do is tell them? State that you're a member of Mensa or Mega or Dorks of America. Tell them the scores you received on every exam since high school. "I got an 800 on my SATs, LSATs, GREs, MCATs, and I can also spell the word 'premeiotic'". 9. Accuse your opponent of censorship. It is your right as an American citizen to post whatever the hell you want to the net (as guaranteed by the 37th Amendment, I think). Anyone who tries to limit your cross-posting or move a flame war to Netusers is either a communist, a fascist, or both. 10. Doubt their existence: You've never actually seen your opponent, have you? And since you're the center of the universe, you should have seen them by now, shouldn't you? Therefore, THEY DON'T EXIST! This is the beauty of flamers' logic. 11. Lie, cheat, steal, leave the toilet seat up. 12. When in doubt, insult: If you forget the other 11 rules, remember this one. At some point during your wonderful career as a flamer you will undoubtedly end up in a flame war with someone who is better than you. This person will expose your lies, tear apart your arguments, make you look generally like a bozo. At this point, there's only one thing to do: insult the dirtbag!!! "Oh yeah? Well, your mother does strange things with ..........." The Golden Rule of Flaming: My flames will be witty, insulting, interesting, funny, caustic, or sarcastic, but never, ever, will they be boring. And the following: " FOR THE PERSONS INTERESTED IN FLAMES, THIS FROM THE "HUMOUR" NETWORK. " - - The original note follows - - " Date: Mon, 12 Sep 94 09:01 EDT " From: "Gerald M. Phillips, Ph.D." " Subject: HUMOR Digest - Flame Form Letter " To: QC-L@PSUVM.PSU.EDU, GMP3@PSUVM.PSU.EDU " =============================================== " Dear " [ ] sir [ ] clueless one [ ] twit [ ] great man on campus " [ ] madam [ ] dweeb [ ] twerp [ ] comrade " [ ] Elvis [ ] moon beam [ ] boor [ ] Obergruppenfuehrer " [ ] citoyen [ ] Geek [ ] grad student [ ] cur " You are being gently flamed because. " [ ] you continued a boring useless stupid thread " [ ] you repeatedly posted to the same thread that you just posted to " [ ] you repeatedly initiated incoherent, flaky, and mindless threads " [ ] you posted a piece riddled with profanities " [ ] you advocated Net censorship " [ ] you SCREAMED! (used all caps) " [ ] you posted some sort of crap that doesn't belong in this group " [ ] you posted the inanely stupid 'Make Money Fast' article " [ ] you threatened others with physical harm " [ ] you made a bigoted statement(s) " [ ] you repeatedly assumed unwarranted moral or intellectual superiority " [ ] you are under the misapprehension that this group is your preserve " [ ] you repeatedly shown lack of humor " [ ] you are apparently under compulsion to post to every threat " [ ] you are posting an anonymous attack " >>> Thank you for the time you have taken to read this. Live n' Learn.<<< " ------------------------------ ==================================== octobersdad@crecon.demon.co.uk --- Birmingham, England ---&--- "Every burned book enlightens the world." Ralph Waldo Emerson ---&--- "Fear of corrupting the mind of the younger generation is the loftiest form of cowardice." Holbrook Jackson ====================================