Abbot & Costello's Who's On First Comedy, at its best, deals with intractable human dilemmas. Here, Bud Abbot (Dexter Broadhurst) and Lou Costello (Sebastian Dinwiddie) confront a classic problem -- the breakdown of communications when people use the same words in different contexts. Sebastian: Peanuts! Dexter: Peanuts! Sebastian: Popcorn! Dexter: Popcorn! Sebastian: Crackerjack! Dexter: Crackerjack! Sebastian: Get your packages of Crackerjack here! Dexter: Crackerjack -- will you keep quiet? Sebastian! Sebastian, please! Don't interrupt my act! Sebastian: Ladies and gentlemen and also the children -- will you excuse me for a minute, please? Thank you. Dexter: What do you want to do?! Sebastian: Look, Mr. Broadhurst -- Dexter: What are you doing? Sebastian: I love baseball! Dexter: We all love baseball. Sebastian: When we get to St. Louis, will you tell me the guy's names on the team so when I go to see them in that St. Louis ballpark I'll be able to know those fellows? Dexter: Then you'll go and peddle your popcorn and don't interrupt my act any more? Sebastian: Yes, sir. Dexter: All right. But you know, strange as it may seem, they give ballplayers nowadays very peculiar names. Sebastian: Funny names? Dexter: Nicknames. Nicknames. Sebastian: Not -- not as funny as my name -- Sebastian Dinwiddie. Dexter: Oh, yes, yes, yes! Sebastian: Funnier than that? Dexter: Oh, absolutely. Yes. Now, on the St. Louis team we have Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know on third -- Sebastian: That's what I want to find out. I want you to tell me the names of the fellows on the St. Louis team. Dexter: I'm telling you. Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third -- Sebastian: You know the fellow's names? Dexter: Yes. Sebastian: Well, then, who's playin' first? Dexter: Yes! Sebastian: I mean the fellow's name on first base. Dexter: Who. Sebastian: The fellow playin' first base for St. Louis. Dexter: Who. Sebastian: The guy on first base. Dexter: Who is on first. Sebastian: Well, what are you askin' me for? Dexter: I'm not asking you -- I'm telling you. WHO IS ON FIRST. Sebastian: I'm asking you -- who is on first? Dexter: That's the man's name! Sebastian: That's whose name? Dexter: Yes. Sebastian: Well, go ahead and tell me. Dexter: Who. Sebastian: The guy on first. Dexter: Who. Sebastian: The first baseman. Dexter: Who is on first. Sebastian: Have you got a first baseman on first? Dexter: Certainly. Sebastian: Then who's playing first? Dexter: Absolutely. Sebastian: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money? Dexter: Every dollar of it. And why not, the man's entitled to it. Sebastian: Who is? Dexter: Yes. Sebastian: So who gets it? Dexter: Why shouldn't he? Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it. Sebastian: Whose wife? Dexter: Yes, after all, the man earns it. Sebastian: Who does? Dexter: Absolutely. Sebastian: Well, all I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name on first base. Dexter: Oh, no, no. What is on second base. Sebastian: I'm not asking you who's on second. Dexter: Who's on first. Sebastian: That's what I'm trying to find out. Dexter: Well, don't change the players around. Sebastian: I'm not changing nobody. Dexter: Now take it easy. Sebastian: What's the guy's name on first base? Dexter: What's the guy's name on second base. Sebastian: I'm not askin' ya who's on second. Dexter: Who's on first. Sebastian: I don't know. Dexter: He's on third. We're not talking about him. Sebastian: How could I get on third base? Dexter: You mentioned his name. Sebastian: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third? Dexter: No. Who's playing first. Sebastian: Stay offa first, will ya? Dexter: Well, what do you want me to do? Sebastian: Now, what's the guy's name on first base? Dexter: What's on second. Sebastian: I'm not askin' ya who's on second. Dexter: Who's on first. Sebastian: I don't know. Dexter: He's on third. Sebastian: There I go back on third again. Dexter: Well, I can't change their names. Sebastian: Say, will you please stay on third base, Mr. Broadhurst? Dexter: Please. Now, what is it you want to know. Sebastian: What is the fellow's name on third base? Dexter: What is the fellow's name on second base. Sebastian: I'm not askin' ya who's on second. Dexter: Who's on first. Sebastian: I don't know. Dexter and Sebastian: THIRD BASE! Sebastian: You got a pitcher on the team? Dexter: Wouldn't this be a fine team without a pitcher? Sebastian: I don't know. Tell me the pitcher's name. Dexter: Tomorrow. Sebastian: You don't want to tell me today? Dexter: I'm telling you, man. Sebastian: Then go ahead. Dexter: Tomorrow. Sebastian: What time? Dexter: What time what? Sebastian: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's pitching? Dexter: Now listen, Who is not pitching, Who is on -- Sebastian: I'll break your arm if you say who's on first. Dexter: Then why come up here and ask? Sebastian: I want to know what's the pitcher's name? Dexter: What's on second. Sebastian: I don't know. Sebastian and Dexter: THIRD BASE! Sebastian: Gotta catcher? Dexter: Yes. Sebastian: I'm a good catcher, too, you know. Dexter: I know that. Sebastian: I would like to play for the St. Louis team. Dexter: Well, I might arrange that. Sebastian: I would like to catch. Now, I'm being a good catcher. Tomorrow's pitching on the team and I'm catching. Dexter: Yes. Sebastian: Tomorrow throws the ball and the guy up bunts the ball. Dexter: Yes. Sebastian: Now, when he bunts the ball -- me being a good catcher -- I want to throw the guy out at first base, so I pick up the ball and throw it to who? Dexter: Now, that's the first thing you've said right. Sebastian: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! Dexter: Well, that's all you have to do. Sebastian: Is to throw it to first base. Dexter: Yes. Sebastian: Now, who's got it? Dexter: Naturally. Sebastian: Who has it? Dexter: Naturally. Sebastian: Naturally. Dexter: Naturally. Sebastian: O.K. Dexter: Now you've got it. Sebastian: I pick up the ball and throw it to Naturally. Dexter: No you don't, you throw the ball to first base. Sebastian: Then who gets it? Dexter: Naturally. Sebastian: O.K. Dexter: All right. Sebastian: I throw the ball to Naturally. Dexter: You don't. YOu throw it to Who. Sebastian: Naturally. Dexter: Well, naturally. Say it that way. Sebastian: That's what I said. Dexter: You did not. Sebastian: I said I'd throw the ball the Naturally. Dexter: You don't. You throw it to Who. Sebastian: Naturally. Dexter: Yes. Sebastian: So I throw the ball to first base and Naturally gets it. Dexter: No, you throw the ball to first base -- Sebastian: Then who gets it? Dexter: Naturally. Sebastian: That's what I'm saying. Dexter: No, you're not. Sebastian: Excuse me, folks. Dexter: Now, don't get excited. Now, don't get excited. Sebastian: I throw the ball to first base. Dexter: Then Who gets it. Sebastian: He better get it. Dexter: That's it. All right now, don't get excited, take it easy. Sebastian: Now I throw the ball to first base, whoever it is grabs the ball, so the guy runs to second. Dexter: Uh-huh. Sebastian: Who picks up te ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don't Know. I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow -- a triple play. Dexter: Yeah, it could be. Sebastian: And I don't care. Dexter: What was that? Sebastian: I said, I DON'T CARE! Dexter: Oh, that's our shortstop!