From ms!darwin.sura.net!jvnc.net!rutgers!ub!acsu.buffalo.edu!ubvmsb.cc.buffalo.edu!apyted Mon Jun 1 09:11:46 EDT 1992 Article: 83679 of rec.humor Path: ms!darwin.sura.net!jvnc.net!rutgers!ub!acsu.buffalo.edu!ubvmsb.cc.buffalo.edu!apyted From: apyted@ubvmsb.cc.buffalo.edu (T. Steegman) Newsgroups: rec.humor Subject: Re: Personal Opinion (Re: Personal Opinion) Message-ID: Date: 31 May 92 03:13:00 GMT References: <1992May28.074649.2263@memstvx1.memst.edu> <18123@plains.NoDak.edu> Sender: nntp@acsu.buffalo.edu Organization: University at Buffalo Lines: 378 News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41 Nntp-Posting-Host: ubvmsb.cc.buffalo.edu In article <18123@plains.NoDak.edu>, malenovi@plains.NoDak.edu (Nikola V. Malenovic ) writes... >In article <1992May28.074649.2263@memstvx1.memst.edu> mcsweinberg@memstvx1.memst.edu writes: >>I'm sick of all this Brit vs US stuff but if you guys think its worth it >>go ahead! My personal opinion: >> >>British Humor leaves alot to be desired!!! > >>Rai. > > >I really tried to stay away from this, but as non-american and non-brit, I >can tell brits have the best humor on this dull earth. proof? > >here it is - favorite of mine.... > >Nik >P.S> if anyone has any other quotes I don;t have included here, please *DO* >make me aware of it :-) >-- > Bypasses are devices that allow some people to dash from point A to >point B very fast while other people dash from point B to point A very >fast. People living at point C, being a point directly in between, are >often given to wonder what's so great about point A that so many people >from point B are so keen to get there and what's so great about point B >that so many people from point A are so keen to get there. They often >wish that people would just once and for all work out where the hell >they wanted to be. Geez, Beev, I can hardly control myself! That might be the least funny thing I've read recently, possible exception being the Chilton's Manual (writen in England, BTW) for my car. Actually, it sort of reads the same. T-Pau >(The Guide itself in The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy by Douglas Adams) >-- > "There was a point to this story, > but it has temporaly escaped the cronicler's mind." >(So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish by Douglas Adams) >-- > "The History of every major Galactic Civilization tends to pass through >three distinct and reckonizable phases, those of Survival, Inquiry and >Sophistication, otherwise known as the How, Why, and Where phases. > For Instance, the first phase is characterized by the question HOW CAN WE >EAT?, the second by the question WHY DO WE EAT? and the third by the question >WHERE SHALL WE HAVE LUNCH?" >(The Guide itself in The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy by Douglas Adams) >-- > "Not only it is a holly remarkable book [*Hitchhiker's Guide*], it is also >a highly successful one-more popular than the 'Celestial Home Care Omnibus', >better selling than 'Fifty-three More Things to Do in Zero Gravity', and >more controversial than Oolon Coluphid's triology of philosophical >blockbusters, 'Where God Went Wrong', 'Some More Mistakes of God's Greatest >Mistakes' and 'Who Is This God Person Anyway?' >(The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy by Douglas Adams) >-- > "'I refuse to prove that I exist', says God, 'for proof denies faith, and >without faith I am nothing.' > 'But',says Man, 'the Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn't it? It could not >have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own >arguments, you don't. QED.' > 'Oh dear', says God, 'I hadn't thought of that,' and promptly vanishes in a >puff of logic. >(The Guide itself in The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy by Douglas Adams) >-- > "I mean, here we are on the run and everything, we must have the police of >half the Galaxy after us by now, and we stop to pick up hitchhikers. Okay, >so ten out of ten for style, but minus several million for good thinking, >yeah?" >(Zaphod Beeblebrox in The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy by Douglas Adams) >-- > "One of the major difficulties Trillian experienced in her relationship with >Zaphod was learning to distinguish between him pretending to be stupid just >to get people off their guard, pretending to be stupid because he couldn't >be bothered to think and wanted someone else to do it for him, pretending to >be outrageously stupid to hide the fact that he actually didn't understand >what's going on, and really being genuinely stupid." >(Tricia McMillan-Trillian and her thoughts in The Hitchhiker's Guide To The > Galaxy by Douglas Adams) >-- > "The point is, you see," said Ford, "that there is no point in driving >yourself mad trying to stop yourself going mad. You might just as well give >in and save your sanity for later." >(Ford Prefect in Life, The Universe and Everything by Douglas Adams) >-- > "The major problem-ONE of the major problems, for there are several-one of >the many major problems with governing people is that of whom you get to do >it; or rather of who menages to get people to let them do it to them. > To summarize: It is well known-fact that those people who must WANT to rule >people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it. > To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves >made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. > To summarize the summary of the summary: people are the problem." >(The Restaurant at The End of The Universe by Douglas Adams) >-- > "Ford was beginning to behave rather strangely, or rather not actually >beginning to behave rather strangely but beginning to behave in a way that >was strangely different from the other strange ways in which he more >regularly behaved." >(Life, The Universe and Everything by Douglas Adams) >-- > "Time is the worst place, so to speak, to get lost in, as Arthur Dent >could testify, having been lost in both time and space a good deal. At least >being lost in space kept you busy." >(Life, The Universe and Everything by Douglas Adams) >-- > "Mr. Posser said: 'You were quite entitled to make any suggestion or >protests at the appropriate time, you know.' > 'Appropriate time?' hooted Arthur. 'Appropriate time? The first time I >knew about it was when a workman arrived at my home. I asked him if he'd >come to clean the windows and he said no, he'd come to demolish the house. >He didn't tell me straight away of course. Oh no. First he wipped a couple >of windows and charged me a fiver. Then he told me.' > 'But Mr.Dent, the plans have been available in the local planning office >for the last nine months.' > 'Oh yes, well, as soon as I heard I went straight round to see them, >yesterday afternoon. You hadn't exactly gone out of your way to call >attention to them, had you? I mean like actually telling anybody or >anything.' > 'But plans were on display...' > 'On display? I eventually had to go down to the cellar to find them.' > 'That's the display department.' > 'With a flashlight.' > 'Ah, well, the lights were gone.' > 'So had the stairs.' > 'But look, you found the notice, didn't you?' > 'Yes', said Arthur, 'yes, I did. It was on display in the bottom of a >locked filing cabinet stuck in disused lavatory with a sign on the door >saying "Beware of the Leopard".'" >(The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy by Douglas Adams) >-- > "We apologize for the inconvenience" >(God's Final Message to His Creation - So Long, And Thanks for All The Fish >by Douglas Adams) >-- > "Have you ever read the instructions on the packet of toothpicks?" >(Wonko the Sane's wife in So Long, And Thanks For All The Fish by Douglas Adams) > > "Hold stick near center of its length. Moisten pointed end in mouth. > Insert in tooth space, blunt end next to gum. Use gentle in-out motion" >(the sign in So Long, And Thanks For All The Fish by Douglas Adams) >-- > "How *reliable*?" asked Arthur. He gave a hollow laugh. "How shallow is >the ocean?" he asked. "How cold is the sun?" >( Arthur Dent to Fenchurch on Ford Perfect reliability > in So Long, And Thanks For All The Fish by Douglas Adams) >-- > "He's sort of an old friend," said Arthur, "I- > "Friend!" cracked the robot pathetically. The word died away in a kind of >dry crackle and flakes of rust fell out of his mouth. "You'll have to excuse >me while I try and remember what the word means. My memory banks are not >what they were, you know, and any word which falls into disuse for a few >zillion years has to get shifted down into auxiliary memory backup. Ah, here >it comes" > The robot's battered head snapped up a bit as if in thought. > "Hmmm," he said, "what a curious concept" > He thought a little longer. > "No," he said at last, "don't think I ever came across one of those. >Sorry, can't help you there." >( Marvin freaking out on Arthur Dent's words > in So Long, And Thanks For All The Fish by Douglas Adams) >-- > He also heard the official from the Safety and Civil Reassurance >Administration issue instructions that the planet in ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha must >be made "perfectly safe." >( announcement that Zaphod Beeblebrox has heard > in Young Zaphod Plays It Safe by Douglas Adams) >-- > "You're one hundred percent positive that the ship which is crashed on the >bottom of this ocean is the ship which you said you were one hundred precent >positive could one hundred percent positively never crash?' >( Zaphod Beeblebrox in Young Zaphod Plays It Safe by Douglas Adams) >-- > The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is, as has been remarked before often >and accurately, a pretty startling kind of thing. It is, essentially, as the >title implies, a guidebook. The problem is, or rather one of the problems, >for there are many, a sizable number of which are continually clogging up >the civil, commercial, and criminal courts in all areas of the Galaxy, and >especially, where possible, the more corrupt ones, this. > > The previous sentence makes sense. That is not the problem. > This is : > Change. > Read it trough again and you'll get it. >(The Guide itself in So Long, And Thanks For All The Fish by Douglas Adams) >-- > "Time is illusion. Lunchtime doubly so." >(Ford Prefect in The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy by Douglas Adams) >-- > Ford looked at him severly. > "And no sneaky knocking Mr.Dent's house down while he's away, all right?", >he said. > "The mere thought," growled Mr.Prosser, "hadn't even begun to speculate," >he continued, settling himself back,"about the merest possibility of >crossing my mind." >(Ford Perfect and Mr.Prosser >in The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy by Douglas Adams) >-- > Bistromathics itself is simply a revolutionary new way of understanding >the behavior of numbers. Just as Einstein observed that space was not an >absolute but depended on the observer's movement in space, and that time was >not an absolute, but depended on the observer's movement in time, so it is >now realized that numbers are not absolute, but depend on the observer's >movement in restaurants. > > The first nonabsolute number is the number of people for whom the table >is reserved. This will vary during the course of the first three telephone >calls to the restaurant, and then bear no apparent relation to the number of >people who actually turn up, or to the number of the people who subsequently >join them after the show/match/party/gig, or the number of the people who >leave when they see who else has turned up. > > The second nonabsolute number is the given time of arrival, which is now >known to be one of those most bizarre of mathematical concepts, a >recipriversexcluson, a number whose existence can only be defined as being >anything other then itself. In other words, the given time of arrival is the >one moment of the time at which it is impossible that any member of the >party will arrive. Recipriversexclusons now play a vital part in many >branches of math, including statistics and accountancy and also form the >basic equations used to engineer the Somebody Else's Problem field. > > The third and most mysterious piece of nonabsoluteness of all lies in the >relationship between the number of items on the check, the cost of each >item, the number of people at the table and what they are each prepared to >pay for. (The number of people who have actually brought any money is only a >subphenomenon in this field. >(The Guide itself in Life, The Universe And Everything by Douglas Adams) >-- > And then, one Thursday, nearly two thousand years after one man had been >nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be to be nice to people for a >change, a girl sitting on her own in a small cafe in Rickmansworth suddenly >realized what it was that had been going wrong all this time, and she >finally knew how the world could be made a good and happy place. This time >it was right, it would work, and no one would have to get nailed to anything. >(The Guide itself in The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy by Douglas Adams) >-- > "Some factual information for you. Have you any idea how much damage that >bulldozer would suffer if I just let it roll straight over you?" > "How much?" said Arthur. > "None at all," said Mr. Prosser... >(Arthur Dent and Mr.Prosser > in The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy by Douglas Adams) >-- > "Did I do anything wrong today," he said, " or has the world always been >like this and I've been too wrapped up in myself to notice?" >(Arthur Dent in The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy by Douglas Adams) >-- > "This must be Thursday," said Arthur to himself, sinking low over his >beer, "I never could get the hang of Thursdays." >( Arthur Dent in The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy by Douglas Adams) >-- > "This is really amazing," he said, "That is really is truly amazing. That >is so amazingly amazing I think I'd like to steal it." >(Zaphod Beeblebrox in The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy by Douglas Adams) >-- > One of the things Ford Perfect had always found hardest to understand >about humans was their habit of continualy stating and repeating the very >very obvious, as in ''It's a nice day'', or ''You're very tall'', or ''Oh >dear you seem to have fallen down a thirty-foot well, are you all right?'' >(Ford Perfect in The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy by Douglas Adams) >-- > Ford stood up. "We're safe," he said. > "Oh good," said Arthur. > "We're in a small galley cabin," said Ford, "in one of the spaceships of >the Vogon Constructor Fleet." > "Ah," said Arthur,"this is obviously some strange usage of the word *safe* >that I wasn't previously aware of." >(Ford Perfect and Arthur Dent > in The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy by Douglas Adams) >-- > "Computer.." said Zaphod... "if you don't open that exit hatch this moment >I shall zap straight off to your major data banks and reprogram you with a >very large ax, got that?" > Eddie, shocked, paused and considered this. > Ford carried on counting quietly. This is about the most aggressive thing >you can do to a computer, the equivalent of going up to a human being and >saying *Blood*...*blood*...*blood*...*blood*... > Finally Eddie said quietly, "I can see this relationship is something >we're going to have to work at," and the hatchway opened. >(Ford Perfect, Zaphod Beeblebrox and Eddie the Ship's computer > in The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy by Douglas Adams) >-- > "I only know as much about myself as my mind can work out under its >current conditions" >(Zaphod Beeblebrox in The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy by Douglas Adams) >-- > "Time," said Arthur weakly, "is not currently one of my problems." >(Arthur Dent in The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy by Douglas Adams) >-- > "Look," said Arthur, "would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up >and went mad now?" >(Arthur Dent in The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy by Douglas Adams) >-- > "I was being perfectly serious," said Arthur; "it's just the Universe I'm >never quite sure about." >(Arthur Dent > in The Restaurant at The End of The Universe by Douglas Adams) >-- > "Well, just who do you think you are, honey?" flounced the insect, >quivering the wings in rage, "Zaphod Beeblebrox or something?" > "Count the heads," said Zaphod in a low rasp/ > The insect blinked at him. It blinked at him again. > "You *are* Zaphod Beeblebrox?" it squeaked. > "Yeah," said Zaphod, "but don't shout it out or they'll all want one." > "*The* Zaphod Beeblebrox?" > "No, just *a* Zaphod Beeblebrox; didn't you hear I come in six packs?" >(Zaphod Beeblebrox and boring insect > in The Restaurant at The End of The Universe by Douglas Adams) >-- > "Listen, you semievolved simian," cut in Zaphod, "go climb the tree will >you?" >(Zaphod Beeblebrox > in The Restaurant at The End of The Universe by Douglas Adams) >-- > "Ford," he said, "how many escape capsules are there?" > "None," said Ford. > Zaphod gibberred. > "Did you *count* them?" he yelled. > "Twice," said Ford. >(Zaphod Beeblebrox and Ford Perfect > in The Restaurant at The End of The Universe by Douglas Adams) >-- > Arthur woke up and instantly regretted it. Hangovers he'd had, but never >anything on this scale. This was it, this was the big one, this was the >ultimate pits. Matter transference beams, he decided, were not as much fun >as, say, a good solid kick in the head. >(The Guide Itself > in The Restaurant at The End of The Universe by Douglas Adams) >-- > "The first ten million years were the worst," said Marvin, "and the second >ten million years, they were worst too. The third ten million I didn't enjoy >at all. After that I went into a bit of a decline." >( Marvin "the paranoid robot" > in The Restaurant at The End of The Universe by Douglas Adams) >-- > "It's the wild color scheme that freaks me," said Zaphod whose love affair >with this ship had lasted almost three minutes into the flight. "Every time >you try to operate one of these wierd black controls that are labeled in >black on a black background, a little black light lights up to let you know >you've done it. What is this? Some kind of galactic hyperhearse?" >(Zaphod Beeblebrox > in The Restaurant at The End of The Universe by Douglas Adams) >-- > "How can I tell," said the man, "that the past isn't a fiction designed to >account for the discrepancy between my immediate physical sensations and my >state of mind?" >(The man who rules the Universe > in The Restaurant at The End of The Universe by Douglas Adams) >-- > "The only word they know is *grunt* and they can't spell it." >(Arthur Dent > in The Restaurant at The End of The Universe by Douglas Adams) >-- > "The *Guide* says that there is an art to flying," said Ford, "or rather a >knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and >miss." >(Ford Prefect > in The Restaurant at The End of The Universe by Douglas Adams) >-- > Arthur felt happy. He was terribly pleased that the day was for once >working out so much according to plan. Only twenty minutes ago he had >decided he would go mad, and now here he was already chasing a Chesterfield >sofa across the fields of prehistoric Earth. >(Arthur Dent in Life, The Universe and Everything by Douglas Adams) >-- > "An S.E.P.," he said, "is something that we can't see, or don't see, or >our brain doesn't let us see, because we think that it's somebody else's >problem. That's what S.E.P. means. Somebody Else's Problem. The brain just >edits it out; it's like a blind spot. If you look at it directly you won't >see it unless you know precisely what it is. Your only hope is to catch it >by surprise out of the corner of your eye." >(Ford Prefect in Life, The Universe and Everything by Douglas Adams) >-- > "If there's anything more important than my ego around here then I want it >caught and shot now." >(Zaphod Beeblebrox in The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy by Douglas Adams) >-- Article 1550 of news.answers: Xref: ms alt.fan.douglas-adams:2265 news.answers:1550 Path: ms!darwin.sura.net!wupost!waikato.ac.nz!comp.vuw.ac.nz!kauri.vuw.ac.nz!gnat Newsgroups: alt.fan.douglas-adams,news.answers Subject: alt.fan.douglas-adams FAQ Message-ID: From: gnat@kauri.vuw.ac.nz (Nathan Torkington) Date: Sat, 6 Jun 1992 01:28:33 GMT Reply-To: gnat@kauri.vuw.ac.nz Sender: news@comp.vuw.ac.nz (News Admin) Followup-To: alt.fan.douglas-adams Expires: Sat, 13 Jun 1992 01:28:08 GMT Organization: Dept. of Comp. Sci., Victoria Uni. of Wellington, New Zealand. Approved: news-answers-request@MIT.Edu Supersedes: Nntp-Posting-Host: kauri.vuw.ac.nz Originator: gnat@kauri.vuw.ac.nz Lines: 367 Archive-name: douglas-adams-FAQ Last-modified: 03Jun92 Maintained-by: gnat@kauri.vuw.ac.nz Changes: 6 14 19 FOREWORD Buy "Don't Panic" by Neil Gaiman. It is the best guide to 'The Guide' that is around. Relevant details are : TITLE: Don't Panic SUBTITLE: The Official Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy Companion AUTHOR: Neil Gaiman PUBLISHER: Titan Books Ltd, 58 St Giles High St London WC2H 8LH. PAGES: 182pp. ISBN: 1-85286-013-8 PRICE: UK price L3.95. (with appropriate salaams to Scott Telford (s.telford@ed.ac.uk) for kindly posting this data so that we may all benefit from his great knowledge and wisdom) TOPICAL INDEX 1. What are all the books Douglas Adams has written? 2. What are they all about? 3. What "Dr. Who" shows did Douglas Adams [co]author? 4. Where can I find the HHGTTG tapes/albums/CDs? 5. Hey - 6 times 9 ISN'T 42! 6. But 6 times 9 IS 42 in base 13! 7. Can someone explain the ending to "Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency"? 8. Why don't we start a "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe" ourselves? 9. Doesn't "the long dark teatime of the soul" appear somewhere in another book? 10. What's this business about the monkeys? 11. What was the song that Arthur plays for Fenchurch? 12. What was the short story about Zaphod? 13. Does Douglas Adams like Macs? 14. What computer games has Douglas Adams written? 15. What's the business with the barrister? 16. What is the order of the numerous Guide books/records/shows? 17. Who else writes like Douglas Adams? 18. If I ring the Islington telephone number, do I get Deep Thought? 19. What's the new book? (ULTIMATE) QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS 1. What are all the books Douglas Adams has written? "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" "The Restaurant at the End of the Universe" "Life, The Universe, and Everything" "So Long, and Thanks for all the Fish" "Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency" "The Long Dark Teatime of the Soul" (with John Lloyd) "The Meaning of Liff" (with John Lloyd) "The Deeper Meaning of Liff" (with Mark Carwardine) "Last Chance to See" (with foreward by Geoffrey Perkins) "The Complete Radio Scripts" (with lots of others) "The Utterly Utterly Merry Comic Relief Christmas Book" "The Hitchhiker's Trilogy" (a collection of the first 3 books) "The Hitchhiker's Omnibus" (a collection of the first 4 books) "The More Than Complete Hitchhiker's Guide" (leather-bound omnibus which features the short story "Young Zaphod Plays It Safe") 2. What are they all about? Buy them and find out. Essentially "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy", "The Restaurant at the End of the Universe", "Life, The Universe, and Everything" and "So Long, and Thanks for all the Fish" form a trilogy in four parts about one man's travels through the universe after (and before) the Earth is accidentally destroyed. "Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency" and "The Long Dark Teatime of the Soul" form a loosely-bound series. They are detective stories after a fashion. "The Meaning of Liff" and "The Deeper Meaning of Liff" are dictionaries, which give meanings to words which formerly spent their lives loitering about at the top of signposts. "Deeper" is an expanded form of "Liff", with some definitions changed, and others omitted all-together. "Last Chance to See" was written after Douglas Adams went around the world with Mark Carwardine, a zoologist, looking at near-extinct species. It is humourous, and non-fictional. "The Complete Radio Scripts" is (surprise, surprise) the Complete Radio Scripts to the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy radio series. 3. What "Dr. Who" shows did Douglas Adams [co]author? "City of Death", "The Pirate Planet" and "Shada". Shada was never screened. City of Death and Shada were worked over and became "Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency". He also wrote a treatment (plot synopsis) for a film called "Dr Who and the Krikkitmen". It was never made into either a film or a TV show, but most of the pertinent plot points reappeared in "Life, The Universe and Everything." 4. Where can I find the HHGTTG tapes/albums/CDs? The canonical address is: BBC World Service Mail Order Room LG26 NE Bush House Strand London WC2B 4PH Tel: (071) 257 2575 Fax: (071) 497 0498 The prices from there are: Box Set: 6 Audios - #21.70 (English Pounds) 6 CDs - #34.76 5. Hey - 6 times 9 ISN'T 42! Yup. 6. But 6 times 9 IS 42 in base 13! Yes, and we don't want to know about the implications for the number of fingers on cavemen, nor their distribution. Douglas Adams actually mentions this in his "Complete Radio Scripts" books. 7. Can someone explain the ending to "Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency"? Here are two postings which explain it best: From: bhack@mundil.cs.mu.OZ.AU (Brendan Hack) Date: Tue, 12 Nov 1991 23:08:13 GMT First of all you need to know something about Coleridge. There was never a second part of the poem _Kubla Khan_. Yet, at the end of Chapter 6 when The Director Of English Studies is reading _Kubla Khan_ the book says `The voice (that of the director of english studies) continues, reading the second, and altogether strange part of the poem.' In the book, _Kubla Khan_ has a second part. The book is not actually set in our existence. It is set in an existance in which the second part of _Kubla Khan_ exists. This second part of the poem tells the ghost about the existance of the time machine and how to travel back and stop the ship from exploding. As we well know the explosion of the ship is what caused life to begin on this miserable little planet of ours. When Dirk and Reg realised this they simply went forward in time to when Coleridge was writing the second part of _Kubla Khan_ and stopped him. Dirk just interrupted him and talked so much that Coleridge forgot what the second part was going to be about and therefore could not finish it! This change of history sent reality back into our perspective and the human race lived on (Yay, yippee!). Quite simple really. From: Torsten.Lif@eos.ericsson.se (Torsten Lif) The second part of KK was written by Coleridge *while possesed by the ghost* and is the ghost providing info, not the other way around. I think the info is about the ship that is still in orbit around Earth. By confusing Coleridge (and introducing the albatross that then appears in the Ancient Mariner), Dirk got rid of the directions to find the orbiting spaceship (which they also sabotaged, but not until Reg had stolen some music [by bringing Bach there?]). Since they aparently had access to suitable explosives (the spaceship blew up in such a spectacular fashion that it could be seen from Earth), maybe it was also they who sabotaged the ghost's shuttle so that it all got started, too? 8. Why don't we start a "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe" ourselves? We have. PGG (Project Galactic Guide for long) accepts entries on real-life subjects, as well as unreal-life subjects. A reader for the guide is available, as vela.acs.oakland.edu:/pub/swbaker/guide.zip Don't forget binary mode, ftp outside of business hours and contact swbaker@vela.acs.oakland.edu if you have any questions. Check out the newsgroup alt.galactic-guide, where PGG is alleged to be happening. The person to contact is the Editor-In-Chief, Supreme-God-Over-All-Beings and Leader-of-The-Hack, Paul Clegg (cleggp@aix.rpi.edu). After long and protracted discussions on which format is best for this, a decision was reached and I wasn't interested enough to record it for posterity. Contact Paul for information. There is also a paper-based list, maintained by David Hodges. It is used to raise money for charity and has been approved by Douglas Adams. You can buy copies (for charity), it is very large, and would be tremendously illegal (and most would find it immoral) to put on the net. Contributions to this can be sent to alm@doc.ic.ac.uk (remember to say they're for David Hodges as this isn't his account). 9. Doesn't "the long dark teatime of the soul" appear somewhere in another book? Yes. In Chapter 1 of "Life, the Universe, and Everything". Wowbagger the Infinitely Prolonged is described as being eventually ground down by the Sunday afternoons, and "as you stare at the clock the hands will move relentlessly on to four o'clock, and you will enter the long dark teatime of the soul." 10. What's this business about the monkeys? It is said that if you get an infinite number monkeys at typewriters, eventually one will bash out a script to Hamlet. If you want to discuss probability, quantum physics or anything else that has nothing to do with Douglas Adams, bugger off to another group. 11. What was the song that Arthur plays for Fenchurch? Dire Straits' "Tunnel of Love" from "Making Movies". 12. What was the short story about Zaphod? The short-story "Young Zaphod Plays it Safe" originally appeared in "The Utterly Utterly Merry Comic Relief Christmas Book", which was edited by Douglas Adams and Peter Fincham. It was published by Fontana in Great Britain in 1986. The story also appeared in "The More Than Complete Hitchhiker's Guide". 13. Does Douglas Adams like Macs? Douglas Adams does indeed like Apple Macintosh computers, and at one stage lived with one in Islington. He wrote a review of Microsoft Word for the Macintosh in MacUser magazine (September 1987, page 144). 14. What computer games has Douglas Adams written? With Infocom's Steve Meretzky (who no longer works for Infocom after their takeover by Mediagenic), he wrote "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" adventure game. "Bureaucracy" was credited to "Douglas Adams and The Staff of Infocom" - there were lots of Infocom people involved (Jeff O'Neill, Dave Lebling, Fred Morgan and others). The end sequence to the game "Hitchhiker's Guide" mentions a second game called "The Restaurant at the End of the Universe", but this game doesn't exist. Douglas Adams started to write it, as because "Bureaucracy" had poor sales, Adams and Infocom dropped the project. Infocom tried to revive the project later, but the virtual death of Infocom in 1990 brought this idea to an end. Douglas Adams also started work on another game, where the emphasis was to be on creating a virtual reality in the adventure, but petered out after his partner lost interest. Meretzky is still writing computer adventure games for "Legend Entertainment". Infocom only exists as a label for Activision, the company having been closed in 1989. The games are available from Virgin Mastertronic (a budget games house in the UK). Their address is : Customer Services Virgin Mastertronic Ltd 16 Portland Road London W11 2LA Tel: 071 - 727 8070 "Hitchhiker's Guide" is available in "Infocom From Mastertronic #1" from the address above. It is also included in a package of 20 games called "The Lost Treasures of Infocom" available from Activision. "Bureaucracy" is not available from either supplier. (Most of this information was kindly provided by Paul Doherty, d.doherty@bamp.berlinet.in-berlin.de - many thanks). 15. What's the business with the barrister? After nearly a decade of saying in his blurbs that he was nearly married to a lady barrister, on November 25 1991 Douglas Adams and Jane Belson tied the knot in a quiet ceremony at Finsbury town hall in London. Bad luck, ladies. They will live in Islington. 16. What is the order of the numerous Guide books/records/shows? 1978: Fits 1-6 of the radio series were aired. : Fit 7 (The Christmas Episode) aired. 1979: Pan Books releases "The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy" book in Britain (expanded Fits 1-4). : Double album released (contracted Fits 1-4). 1980: Fits 8-12 of the radio series were aired. : Pan Books releases "Restaurant at the End of the Universe" in Britain (contracted Fits 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 5 and 6). : Harmony Books releases the first book in the United States. : Second record album recorded (expanded Fits 5 and 6). 1981: Six television episodes aired by the BBC, based on Fits 1-6 (used revisions made in the books). 1982: Harmony Books releases the second book in the United States. 1982: "Life the Universe and Everything" released simultaneously in Britain and the United States. 1984: "So Long, And Thanks for All the Fish" released simultaneously in Britain and the United States. 1992: ??"Mostly Harmless" released?? 17. Who else writes like Douglas Adams? Quite simply, nobody. However, if you like Douglas Adams' style of humour, you might appreciate books by: * Neil Gaiman * Terry Pratchett * Tom Sharpe * P J O'Rourke * P.G Wodehouse 18. If I ring the Islington telephone number, do I get Deep Thought? No, you get the people who *now* have that phone number very annoyed. Please don't do it - Douglas Adams asks that you don't in a note in the "Radio Scripts" book. 19. What's the new book? The latest info was posted by jens@seas.gwu.edu (Jens Johansen) and reads: OK, netters, here it is... The new book--Mostly Harmless--will be out officially in the US in early November, or so promise the distrubutor/publisher, Crown (not to be confused with Crown Books, the book shop chain who DIDN'T supply this info). According to the nice lady in the bookshop, that means that one can start looking for it in late October, as most books they get seem to start shipping in a week or two before official release dates. The cover looks pretty predictable--it still has our friend, the green planet, making a face at you, and a few other things. Well, I don't know if he's still green--I only saw a black and white picture of the cover. Now, in times past, Douglas Adams' books got into the UK bookshops a couple of months before they did in the US, so there's a sporting chance that the book will be in the shops in the next month or two there. So if anyone sees it over there, please read it and let us know how it is... Jens