From: l2wang@napier.waterloo.edu ( Lei Wang ) Date: Thu, 11 Jun 1992 22:56:59 GMT Welcome to the (un)official Rec.Humor trivia contest. This is The thing to test your knowledge of your nethumor. Have you been paying attention to all the posts? Interesting or repetitious? Do you have a keen sight for spotting those annoying little 'this is a test' messages?(this has nothing to do with Those messages). Possess you a great memory to promptly flamerize those idiots who repost the most boring jokes? In other words, do you have the Guts to survive rec.humor*? RULES: A) Each of the following fifty clues is either a punchline for a joke, part of a joke, or part of a Why, How-To, or Top list that has appeared in rec.humor or rec.humor.funny in the past year or so, most more than once. You are warned that some of the following may be offensive or downright nauseous. Even I was offended by some of them. B) Some are relatively easy, some difficult, and some you're just plainly not going to get. C) Each contestant should read carefully the fifty clues, and email me the corresponding joke or name of list that the clue came from. For long jokes, only enough to unerringly identify the joke is sufficient. D) The names of the contestants with the most correct answers, along with those who gets the real toughies, will be posted along with all the answers on June 25th. That's the final deadline for entries, of course. My email address is l2wang@napier.waterloo.edu, that's L-2-W-A-N-G for those who can't read. E) The top contestant will receive a special price package, paid for and given to by me. And if there is a tie, all of them get the prize! ;-) If you have really paid attention to most of the postings, you should get at least 90% of these, it's that easy. Also, if there's enough of a good response to this contest, there might be a second contest, because the humor God knows that there's plenty more good ones I left out in this post. So with no further delays, get started, and good luck. Break a finger. ============================================================================== 1. OUCH! 2. The second guy should have seen it coming... 3. God: Sure... In a second... 4. The captain's log. 5. Magic Johnson walks in and says, "If I catch you..." 6. Say, you got room in the front for a pizza and a case of beer? 7. Vaccinated. YES! _That's_ the word. 8. Because his watch is not waterproof. 9. And this university loves fucking me. 10. Your going to eat me like the book says. 11. The second drunk replies, "It wouldn't be so bad if the bannister wasn't so low!" 12. Stay up all night wondering if there is a Dog. 13. [...] Brown vill change vith Jones. 14. Cute! But can you eat peanuts with it? 15. Make them into a tire and call it a good year. 16. I don't know, replied the third boy, But I've seen the ads on TV, and I know you can run with them, play tennis with them,... 17. Orange you glad I didn't say banana? 18. [...] now a fish. 19. [...] that I could piss all over your bar and make you happy about it. 20. Oh, is God Michael Jackson, then? 21. Rodney King wasn't beaten to death. 22. *Poof* *Poof* 23. One of us was watching the defendant. And he wasn't watching the door. 24. Think of it this way... if you re-elect me, I will never be able to run for President again! 25. [...] and the drunk then says: "V-Verry g-good, Now tell me how old I am!" 26. I knew I would get a hot meal if I waited! 27. Second : I hated mine too . But then I tried with extra salt and pepper! 28. Yesterday. There was this guy and this chicken... 29. Nipple and dimes, please!! 30. Don't play with your food! 31. Used Tampoons. 32. Just follow the yellow-dicked toad. 33. [...] in ten trash cans. 34. The one with the biggest tits. 35. Well, hardly any. 36. Regular price, [...] 37. Whatever God wants, he takes! 38. for(;P("\n"),R=;P("|"))for(e=C;e=;P("_"+(*u++/8)%2))P("| "+(*u/4)%2); 39. Thank you...and how much do I owe you ?" 40. Oh no...you'd do that too, if you just knew how wonderful it feels when you stop doing it." 41. Y-naught, very good... 42. Smooth and easy to spread. 43. Step 3: set the boss's wastebasket on fire. 44. [...] the nation's illiteracy problem will take care of itself... 45. It's fucking close to water. 46. Don't be stupid - have you seen how big a hippo is? 47. (t/f) Sometimes I have the strange feeling that I've done something before. 48. You feed the dog, I'll feed the fish. 49. Arthur: You're a looney. 50. Do not suture until your work is inspected.