"! Creative commons licensed, 1990-2007, by Adam Rifkin Ink.  All lefts reserved.  No fair taking this line out, as I know many leeches, er, lawyers.  See: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.05/",
"! By the way, some of these are disgusting, so read at your own risk.",
"! Send offerings, additions, and changes to ifindkarma .at. gmail .dot. com...",
"Some people skate to the puck.  I skate to where the puck is going to be.  -- Wayne Gretsky",
"You'll always miss 100 percent of the shots you do not take.  -- Wayne Gretsky",
"The fundamentals of the game are never going to change, but the things you're going to do, that changes.  -- Wayne Gretsky",
"There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity.  -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe",
"It's nothing personal.  It's just business.  -- Donald Trump's The Apprentice",
"Ah, cartoons.  America's only native art form.  I don't count jazz because it sucks.  -- The Simpsons",
"Why can't I sleep whenever I think about you?  -- Liz Phair",
"I roughly think that would be the faint sound of your patient vomiting.
"You may be having trouble hearing it over the much louder sound of me being right yet again.  God?  My brilliance is now becoming a bit of a burden.  Get back to me.  -- Scrubs",
"Damn!  Ooooooo... that ass wants the Batman sound effects loop!  Pow!  Zap!!  -- Scrubs",
"I have nothing to say, and I am saying it, and that is poetry.  -- John Cage",
"I'm a lot like you, so please, hello, I'm here, I'm waiting.  I think I'd be good for you, and you'd be good for me.  -- Weezer, El Scorcho",
"But if that's true then it's quite likely that bears are green, trees are purple and mushrooms are yellow. Or at least they seem so after a few of the mushrooms.  -- Joshua Schachter",
"Logically incoherent, semantically incomprehensible, and legally... impeccable!  -- Joshua Schachter",
"Surfing the bleeding edge is one thing. Impaling myself on it is quite another.  -- Joshua Schachter",
"Clapping and cheering are appreciated, but please stay in your seats until the end of the performance, and please, no suspicious movements.  -- Joshua Schachter",
"Her research has revealed that the blueprint for a perfect feature must have: action 30%, comedy 17%, good v evil 13%, love/sex/romance 12%, special effects 10%, plot 10% and music 8%.  -- Joshua Schachter",
"\"Then it doesn't matter which way you walk,\" said the Cat.  \"So long as I get somewhere,\" Alice added as an explanation.  \"Oh, you're sure to do that,\" said the Cat, \"if you only walk long enough.\"",
"I wish more of my rl friends were joining.  So many are e-friends.  Pretty soon orkut will be one solid cube.  -- Kristen Ankiewicz",
"I'm just a soul whose intentions are good. Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood.  -- Santa Esmeralda",
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.  -- Moulin Rouge",
"In 2004, I resolve to be nicer.  I resolve to be more interested in others.  I resolve to keep in touch, as best I can.  I resolve to be happier with what I already have.  I resolve to be less outraged.  I resolve to write back more often.  I resolve to let people merge and yield the passing lane.  I resolve to try a little harder.  I resolve to not take it personally.  -- Scott Andrew LePera",
"A little part of your brain tells you you're a brilliant, beautiful visionary, but you're secure enough not to broadcast it.  -- Clair Marie",
"It is a little embarrassing that after 45 years of research and study, the best advice I can give to people is to be a little kinder to each other.  -- Aldous Huxley",
"I hope to see my friend and shake his hand.  -- Shawshank Redemption",
"Living well is the best revenge.  -- Midtown citing an old adage",
"Baby if you cut me two inches of slack, I'll give you eight inches of love.  -- Huy Zing",
"She tries to erase, she tries to replace how it feels, but I know she can never go home.  -- Midtown, Like a Movie", 
"I believe in the interconnectedness of all things, places, and people.  I believe in the strength of weak ties.  I believe... I shall have another drink.  -- Adam Rifkin",
"Men talk of killing time, while time quietly kills them.  -- Dion Boucicault",
"Cause the house always wins. Play long enough, you never change the stakes. The house takes you. Unless, when that perfect hand comes along, you bet big, then you take the house.  -- Ocean's 11",
"You look down, they know you're lying and up, they know you don't know the truth. Don't use seven words when four will do. Don't shift your weight, look always at your mark but don't stare, be specific but not memorable, be funny but don't make him laugh. He's got to like you then forget you the moment you've left his side.  -- Ocean's 11",
"Second most successful robbery. The Flamingo in '71. This guy actually tasted fresh oxygen before they grabbed him. Of course, he was breathing out of a hose for the next three weeks. God damn hippy.  -- Ocean's 11",
"Shane, you've got three pairs. You can't have six cards! You can't have six cards in a five-card game!  -- Ocean's 11",
"Apparently, he's got a record longer than my... well, it's long.  -- Ocean's 11",
"Look, we all go way back and uh, I owe you from the thing with the guy in the place and I'll never forget it.  -- Ocean's 11",
"You must have been warned against letting the golden hours slip by; but some of them are golden only because we let them slip by.  -- Sir James M. Barrie",
"Washington Post's Style Invitational:  1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.",
"Washington Post's Style Invitational:  2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.",
"Washington Post's Style Invitational:  3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.",
"Washington Post's Style Invitational:  4. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.",
"Washington Post's Style Invitational:  5. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.",
"Washington Post's Style Invitational:  6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.",
"Washington Post's Style Invitational:  7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.",
"Washington Post's Style Invitational:  8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.",
"Washington Post's Style Invitational:  9. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.",
"Washington Post's Style Invitational:  10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)",
"Washington Post's Style Invitational:  11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.",
"Washington Post's Style Invitational:  12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.",
"Washington Post's Style Invitational:  13. Glibido: All talk and no action.",
"Washington Post's Style Invitational:  14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.",
"Washington Post's Style Invitational:  15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.",
"Washington Post's Style Invitational:  16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.",
"Washington Post's Style Invitational:  17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.",
"Washington Post's Style Invitational:  And the pick of the literature: 18. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.",
"To know me is to love and be enamored with me. To know you is to discover the truth and unknown. Temet Nosce = Know Thyself.  -- Karina.Net",
"They contest in a circle, With nothing Absolute, Why they bother to prove and justify, When they don't believe in the Truth. Truth came knocking on my door. She sat me down on the floor. Told me a story my ears opened to hear. Attentively I sat without any fear. Truth, sit by, stay close and near. I'll always hold you very dear.  -- Karina.Net",
"Sarcasm and dry wit should not be lumped together. They are different. Those who stoop to sarcasm do not have the dexterity to employ wit.  -- Carol Rhodes",
"Things are sliding through my fingers, attachments going with them. Even the self I professed and clung to is sliding away. I want something more of the future than predicaments and predications.  -- Carol Rhodes",
"What is self and notself? Where do I cut? Why did I not change for so long? I hate it that I was so deceived by Comfort. I throw out all except that which gives me heart. No more mawkish attachments.  -- Carol Rhodes",
"I should want a relationship because I know this is what is good for my core, why is it that I find it too difficult right now to even begin the search. It seems off in the future and yet I can feel it under my fingertips.  -- Carol Rhodes",
"The earthworm seems to have a community in the terrarium. How is it so? Find this out.  -- Carol Rhodes",
"read me like a poem, solve me like a problem, i am actually a problem, but so good at looking like a poem...  -- tubaonline.com",
"Mind is not Buddha. Learning is not the path.  -- Nansen",
"One cannot expose the true self everywhere, at anytime.  -- Anaos Nin",
"Anyone perfect must be lying.  Anything easy has its cost.  Anyone plain can be lovely.  Anyone loved can be lost.  What if I lost my direction?  What if I lost sense of time?  What if I nursed this infection?  Maybe the worst is behind...   -- Barenaked Ladies, Falling for the First Time",
"In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn't have to ride around with jerks.  -- Scott Adams",
"What I'm against is quotas. I'm against hard quotas, quotas that basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society.  -- George W. Bush",
"When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.  -- Mark Twain", 
"Ambition is a dream with a V8 engine.  -- Elvis",
"No matter where or what, there are makers, takers, and fakers.  -- Robert Heinlein",
"We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe.  -- Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe",
"I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination. Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world.  -- Albert Einstein",
"I dunno, I dream in Perl sometimes...  -- Larry Wall in <8538@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>",
"A person is merely Orkut's way of making another community.  -- Carol Rhodes",
"You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm.  -- Colette",
"If you knew how much work went into it, you wouldn't call it genius.  -- Michelangelo",
"Man can will nothing unless he has first understood that he must count on no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth.  -- Jean-Paul Sartre",
"All is only a question of intuition.  I act like I feel.  "Logic" doesn't have any meaning for me.  I do not have any lesson to give, I just try to be me.  -- ure.chez.tiscali.fr",
"Your words are like messages in bottles, from across space and time... in an ever-expanding universe... and when I need them the most, you're there.  -- Adam Rifkin",
"ADAM does _NOT_ deserve in any way to be in jail. i would rather recommend giving him a medal, for his absolutely adorable networking and socializing skills, his very fine and intellectual humor and his relaxed mood. he's orkut's rock in the storm. as far as i can see, he has not violated any TOS and has been a role model for excellence for many of us orkut-users. putting adam in orkut-jail makes orkut a soup without salt. FREE ADAM!!! *bounce bounce*  -- Bine A",
"Improve a little every day. Over weeks, months, and years, the improvements become more and more apparent, the confidence improves, the self-esteem improves, and the virtuous cycle kicks in.  -- Adam Rifkin",
"They must be taken with an air of contempt, a floccinaucinihilipilification of all that can gratify the outward man.  -- Sir Walter Scott, Journal",
"One cannot expose the true self everywhere, at anytime.  -- Anais Nin",
"The hordes approach you / Greet them; open armed, teeth bared / Feast upon their flesh.  -- Sam at RavenFamily dot org",
"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.  -- Martin Luther King, Jr.",
"You only have one shot to make a first impression, but every day you get another chance to change a point of view.  -- Kimmay Kat",
"Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.  -- Albert Camus",
"Gary thinks that Adam is right.  Gary also believes that Marx was correct in saying that religion is the opiate of the masses.  Gary believes, like Marx, that religion is a tool used by crafty people to justify war, and the societal behavior of the ruling party of any nation.  While Gary is not a Marxist, he does believe that Marx was a very observant and intelligent man.  Having said all of that, however, Gary respects Pete's right to pray or request prayers for himself.  -- Orkut",
"I'd *prefer* a morphine drip and a sponge bath.  -- Two And A Half Men",
"Did you lift your shirt and make them touch your belly hair?  -- King of Queens",
"Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence.  -- Erich Fromm",
"I want to get over my fears and limitations.  THAT is my goal.  To have no way as way and to have no limitation as limitation (B.Lee).  -- Altaire",
"Elen Sila Lumenn Omentielvo.  (\"A star shines on the hour of our meeting...\")",
"Oscar Wilde said that we are all living in the gutter, yet some of us are looking up at the stars.  I believe we are all looking up at the stars, some of us just don't realize what we're looking at.  -- Altaire",
"As to the house without clocks. it is a daily fantasy journal. create your own room, and go from there. a healthy dose of fairy tale and mythology is certainly welcome.  You will not be judged. It is a vortex for all matter/patterns of life. It is a venting. If you have a funky dream make it a reality there.  -- Altaire",
"I think you're magically delicious like a bowl of Lucky Charms.  -- Weird Al Yankovic",
"Swans sing before they die. T'were no bad thing that certain persons die before they sing.  -- Samuel Tayler Cooleridge",
"Act quickly and well because people are dying!  -- Danilo Dolci (1924-1997), Sicilian human rights activist",
"I keep thinking of the scene in Kill Bill Vol. 2 in which Uma is learning how to punch through wood from three inches away.  Nothing's impossible, we just need patience and practice and inclination and time and focus and effort and belief...  -- Adam Rifkin",
"I assure you: there is no beginning, and we are not afraid; we aren't sentimental. We are like a raging wind that rips up the clothes of clouds and prayers, we are preparing the great spectacle of disaster, conflagration and decomposition. Preparing to put an end to mourning, and to replace tears by sirens spreading from one continent to another. Clarions of intense joy, bereft of that poisonous sadness.  -- Dan Nolan",
"The incapacity to distinguish between degrees of light: licking the twilight and floating in the huge mouth filled with honey and excrement. Measured against the scale of Eternity, every action is vain - (if we allow thought to have an adventure whose result would be infinitely grotesque - an important factor in the awareness of human incapacity). But if life is a bad joke, with neither goal nor initial accouchement, and because we believe we ought, like clean chrysanthemums, to make the best of a bad bargain, we have declared that the only basis of understanding is: art. It hasn't the importance that we, old hands at the spiritual, have been lavishing on it for centuries. Art does nobody any harm, and those who are capable of taking an interest in it will not only receive caresses, but also a marvellous chance to people the country of their conversation. Art is a private thing, the artist makes it for himself; a comprehensible work is the product of a journalist, and because at this moment I enjoy mixing this monster in oil paints: a paper tube imitating the metal that you press and automatically squeeze out hatred, cowardice and villainy. The artist, or the poet, rejoices in the venom of this mass condensed into one shopwalker of this trade, he is glad to be insulted, it proves his immutability. The author or the artist praised by the papers observes that his work has been understood: a miserable lining to a collaborating with the heat of an animal incubating the baser instincts. Flabby, insipid flesh multiplying itself with the aid of typographical microbes.  -- Dan Nolan",
"Meditate before you go to bed. Ask yourself very clearly what you need to do to be happy ... what direction you need for your life ... I swear you will dream the answer if that was the last thing you thought of before you fell asleep. It's a mental trick we're taught to do in sports. Just focus calmly before sleeping. No talking with your wife. focus. works ... promise.  -- Altaire",
"Dubya: Look at the clock, time is racing!  Cheney: That's the second hand, George!  -- Dennis Miller",
"Anyone who ever said a dog was man's best friend never had a pet chimpanzee.  -- Dennis Miller",
"Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.  -- Dennis Miller",
"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.  -- Dennis Miller",
"I still feel pangs of remorse over an insidious habit I've had since I was a teenager. About three times a week, I attend estate auctions and make insulting, low-ball bids for prized heirlooms until I'm asked to leave.  -- Dennis Miller",
"I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess.  -- Dennis Miller",
"Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what's more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?  -- Dennis Miller",
"The White House looked into a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to stay in the United States. The plan called for a million Mexicans to marry a million of our ugliest citizens.  -- Dennis Miller",
"There's no doubt about it, show business lures the people who didn't get enough love, attention, or approval early in life and have grown up to become bottomless, gaping vessels of terrifying, abject need. Please laugh.  -- Dennis Miller",
"The Soviet Union, which has complained recently about alleged anti-Soviet themes in American advertising, lodged an official protest this week against the Ford Motor Company's new campaign: 'Hey you stinking fat Russian, get off my Ford Escort.'  -- Dennis Miller",
"A management team distracted by a series of short-term targets is as pointless as a dieter stepping on a scale every half-hour.  -- Larry Page"
"He cites Augustine's dictum that 'If you understand it, it is not God.'  -- Joseph Sobran",
"Hey, God put that man on this earth for us to look at!!  Are you questioning The Lord's infinite wisdom?  -- Mimi, The Drew Carey Show",
"An online forum for damning Trip Mitchell. Also a clearinghouse for darning, dagnabbing, fucking, fricking, hanging, cursing, casting aspersions upon, putting whammies on, anathemizing, excommunicating, excoriating, blasting, anti-elegizing, besmirching, demonizing, character-assassinating, discrediting, slamming, dissing, panning, dismissing, libelling, slandering, blacklisting, boycotting, impugning, devaluing, tearing a new one for, lampooning, attacking, being catty toward, gossiping about, exposing, snubbing, eighty-sixing, lambasting, descrying, bemoaning, looking askance at, debunking, insulting, defaming, jeering, mocking, reaming, thumbing one's nose at, composing screeds about, cataloging the pecadilloes of, hounding, flaming, cocking a snoot at, censoring, censuring, putting on probation, marking as bogus, giving the cold shoulder to, flipping off, mooning, tarring and feathering, farting in the general direction of, unleashing jeremiads at, sanctioning, and decreeing poxes upon Trip Mitchell.  -- Orkut",
" I have learned to love that which is meant to harm me, so that I can stand in the way of those who are less strong. I can take the bullets for those who aren't able to.  -- Margaret Cho (1-14-04)",
"Love is the big booming beat which covers up the noise of hate.  -- Margaret Cho (1-15-04)",
"Thankfully, beauty is easier to remove than apply, and a swipe of demaquillage in the right direction and you are you once again.  -- Margaret Cho (1-27-04)",
"Ugly. Is irrelevant. It is an immeasurable insult to a woman, and then supposedly the worst crime you can commit as a woman. But ugly, as beautiful, is an illusion.  -- Margaret Cho (1-27-04)",
"Maybe I wanted to hear it so badly that my ears betrayed my mind in order to secure my heart.  -- Margaret Cho (3-3-04)",
"If we have the opportunity to be generous with our hearts, ourselves, we have no idea of the depth and breadth of love's reach.  -- Margaret Cho (3-9-04)",
"Sometimes when we are generous in small, barely detectable ways it can change someone else's life forever.  -- Margaret Cho (3-11-04)",
"Try to love someone who you want to hate, because they are just like you, somewhere inside, in a way you may never expect, in a way that resounds so deeply within you that you cannot believe it.  -- Margaret Cho (3-11-04)",
"Try to put your happiness before anyone else's, because you may never have done so in your entire life, if you really think about it, if you are really honest with yourself.  -- Margaret Cho (3-11-04)",
"She hates time; make it stop!  When did Motley Crue become classic rock?  And when did Ozzy become an actor?  Please make this stop...  -- Bowling for Soup, 1985",
"One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor!",
"You're not drunk if you can still hold onto the floor.",